1
00:01:02,644 --> 00:01:04,479
Hello.

2
00:01:05,230 --> 00:01:06,898
What?

3
00:01:07,649 --> 00:01:10,485
No, I don't work today.

4
00:01:11,028 --> 00:01:13,154
I'm playing hockey at 2:00.

5
00:01:15,783 --> 00:01:18,451
Why don't you call Randal?

6
00:01:19,119 --> 00:01:22,038
Because I'm fucking tired.

7
00:01:23,499 --> 00:01:26,542
I just closed last night.

8
00:01:26,627 --> 00:01:28,669
Don't give me this.

9
00:01:28,754 --> 00:01:32,882
What time do you think
you're gonna come in, 1 2:00?

10
00:01:34,134 --> 00:01:36,969
Be there by 1 2:00? Swear.

11
00:01:37,096 --> 00:01:40,556
Swear you'll be there by 1 2:00
and I'll do it.

12
00:01:40,849 --> 00:01:43,351
Twelve or I walk.

13
00:03:31,251 --> 00:03:32,793
Shit.

14
00:05:13,061 --> 00:05:14,478
Thanks. Have a good one.

15
00:05:14,563 --> 00:05:16,814
-Do you mind if I drink this here?
-Sure, go ahead.

16
00:05:16,898 --> 00:05:19,233
-You open?
-Yeah.

17
00:05:20,736 --> 00:05:22,945
-Pack of cigarettes.
-Are you sure?

18
00:05:23,196 --> 00:05:25,239
-Am I sure?
-Are you sure?

19
00:05:25,365 --> 00:05:26,449
Am I sure about what?

20
00:05:26,533 --> 00:05:28,492
Do you really wanna buy
those cigarettes?

21
00:05:28,577 --> 00:05:31,245
-Are you serious?
-How long have you been smoking?

22
00:05:31,330 --> 00:05:34,081
-What is this? A poll?
-How long have you been a smoker?

23
00:05:34,207 --> 00:05:38,044
-I don't know. Since I was about 1 3.
-Thirteen.

24
00:05:38,253 --> 00:05:41,130
Let's see.
You are about 1 9, 20, am I right?

25
00:05:41,298 --> 00:05:44,759
-What in the hell is that?
-That's your lung.

26
00:05:44,926 --> 00:05:48,137
By this time, your lung looks like this.

27
00:05:48,305 --> 00:05:51,682
-You've gotta be shitting me.
-You think I'm shitting you?

28
00:05:51,850 --> 00:05:53,017
Here.

29
00:05:53,185 --> 00:05:54,852
-What's this?
-It is a trach ring.

30
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:56,145
It's what they install in your throat

31
00:05:56,229 --> 00:05:58,856
when throat cancer
takes your voice box.

32
00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:00,358
This one came out
of a 60-year-old man.

33
00:06:00,442 --> 00:06:02,360
Oh, God.

34
00:06:02,444 --> 00:06:04,862
He smoked until the day he died.

35
00:06:04,946 --> 00:06:07,365
He used to put the cigarette in this
and smoke it that way.

36
00:06:07,449 --> 00:06:09,784
-Could you. . .
-This is where you're heading.

37
00:06:09,868 --> 00:06:12,536
Cruddy lung,
smoking through a hole in your throat.

38
00:06:12,621 --> 00:06:13,788
Do you really want that?

39
00:06:13,872 --> 00:06:16,749
-Well, if it is already too late, I guess. . .
-No, it's never too late.

40
00:06:16,833 --> 00:06:20,378
Put the cigarettes back
and try some gum instead.

41
00:06:20,462 --> 00:06:23,422
-Here. Chewlies Gum. Try this.
-It's not the same.

42
00:06:23,507 --> 00:06:26,884
It's cheaper than cigarettes
and it certainly beats this.

43
00:06:27,052 --> 00:06:30,805
-Oh, Jesus.
-It's a picture of a cancer-ridden lung.

44
00:06:30,972 --> 00:06:32,765
Keep it.

45
00:06:32,849 --> 00:06:35,518
-I'll just take the gum.
-Fifty-five.

46
00:06:35,602 --> 00:06:39,313
You made a very wise choice.
Keep up the good work.

47
00:06:41,691 --> 00:06:45,236
If you're gonna drink that coffee,
I think you ought to take it outside.

48
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:47,530
No, I think I'll drink it in here, thanks.

49
00:06:47,614 --> 00:06:49,407
Well, if you're gonna drink it in here,

50
00:06:49,491 --> 00:06:51,867
I appreciate it
if you don't bother the customers.

51
00:06:51,952 --> 00:06:54,245
Okay. I'm sorry about that.

52
00:06:56,581 --> 00:06:58,290
Pack of cigarettes.

53
00:06:58,375 --> 00:07:00,793
-What's that?
-This?

54
00:07:00,877 --> 00:07:03,003
How long you been smoking?

55
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:21,105
We need some tits and ass. Yeah !

56
00:07:30,115 --> 00:07:33,242
I feel good today, Silent Bob.
We're gonna make some money.

57
00:07:33,326 --> 00:07:36,078
And then we're gonna go to that party
and get some pussy.

58
00:07:36,204 --> 00:07:38,706
I'm gonna fuck this bitch,
I'm gonna fuck this bitch.

59
00:07:38,790 --> 00:07:41,083
I'll fuck anything that moves.

60
00:07:42,627 --> 00:07:46,046
What the fuck you looking at?
I'll kick your fucking ass. Shit, yeah.

61
00:07:46,131 --> 00:07:48,466
Don't that motherfucker
owe me 1 0 bucks?

62
00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:51,302
You know, tonight,
we're gonna rip off this fucker's head.

63
00:07:51,386 --> 00:07:53,095
Take out his fucking soul.

64
00:07:53,180 --> 00:07:54,513
If he tries to buy something,

65
00:07:54,598 --> 00:07:57,641
I'm gonna shit
in the motherfucker's bag.

66
00:07:57,726 --> 00:08:00,394
Yeah, what's up, baby?
What's up, sluts?

67
00:08:02,230 --> 00:08:04,440
Silent Bob, you're a rude motherfucker,
you know?

68
00:08:04,524 --> 00:08:07,818
But you're cute as hell.
I'd like to go down on you, suck you.

69
00:08:07,903 --> 00:08:11,155
Line up three other guys,
make like a circus seal.

70
00:08:11,239 --> 00:08:16,994
Oh, you fucking faggot, I hate guys.
I love women.

71
00:08:17,078 --> 00:08:19,038
What you want, Grizzly Adams?

72
00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:23,417
You're spending, what, 20, maybe $30
a week on your cigarettes?

73
00:08:23,585 --> 00:08:24,710
-Yeah.
-Forty.

74
00:08:24,794 --> 00:08:25,836
Fifty-three.

75
00:08:25,921 --> 00:08:28,923
Fifty-three dollars
a week on cigarettes? Come on.

76
00:08:29,049 --> 00:08:31,634
Would you give somebody that
much money each week to kill you?

77
00:08:31,718 --> 00:08:33,219
Because that's what you're doing now

78
00:08:33,303 --> 00:08:35,888
by paying for this so-called privilege
to smoke.

79
00:08:35,972 --> 00:08:37,765
Hey, man, we gotta croak sometime.

80
00:08:37,849 --> 00:08:42,686
It's that kind of mentality that allows
the cancer-producing industry to thrive.

81
00:08:42,771 --> 00:08:45,689
Of course we're all gonna die someday.
But do we have to pay for it?

82
00:08:45,774 --> 00:08:46,857
No, no.

83
00:08:46,942 --> 00:08:48,692
Do we have to actually throw
hard-earned dollars

84
00:08:48,777 --> 00:08:50,194
down on a counter and say

85
00:08:50,278 --> 00:08:52,738
"Please, Mr. Merchant of Death,
sir, please.

86
00:08:52,822 --> 00:08:56,033
"Sell me something
that will stink up breath and my clothes

87
00:08:56,117 --> 00:08:57,326
"and fry my lungs"?

88
00:08:57,410 --> 00:08:58,869
-Now, wait a second.
-Yeah.

89
00:08:58,954 --> 00:09:01,789
Yeah, here comes the speech
about how he's just doing his job

90
00:09:01,873 --> 00:09:03,874
by following orders.

91
00:09:03,959 --> 00:09:05,876
Let me tell you about
another group of hate mongers

92
00:09:05,961 --> 00:09:07,545
that were following orders.

93
00:09:07,629 --> 00:09:09,547
-They were called Nazis.
-Nazis, that's right.

94
00:09:09,714 --> 00:09:11,048
-Fucking Nazi.
-Yeah.

95
00:09:11,216 --> 00:09:13,884
And they practically wiped
an entire nation of people off the Earth

96
00:09:13,969 --> 00:09:15,761
just like cigarettes are doing now.

97
00:09:15,845 --> 00:09:19,348
-I think you got to leave now.
-You want me to leave? Why?

98
00:09:19,432 --> 00:09:21,267
Because somebody's telling it like it is?

99
00:09:21,351 --> 00:09:24,812
Somebody's giving these fine people
a wake-up call?

100
00:09:24,980 --> 00:09:27,273
No, you're loitering
and causing a disturbance.

101
00:09:27,357 --> 00:09:30,025
I'm a disturbance?
You're the disturbance, pal.

102
00:09:30,110 --> 00:09:34,029
You know? Here. Now I am a customer.
I'm gonna buy some Chewlies Gum.

103
00:09:34,155 --> 00:09:35,406
All right? I'm a customer

104
00:09:35,490 --> 00:09:37,908
engaged in a discussion
with the other customers.

105
00:09:37,993 --> 00:09:40,411
-That's right.
-Yeah, now shut up so he can speak.

106
00:09:40,495 --> 00:09:44,790
Yeah. See, he's scared now.
Because he sees the threat we present.

107
00:09:44,874 --> 00:09:47,543
-He smells the changes coming.
-You can smell it.

108
00:09:47,627 --> 00:09:49,587
You definitely are
the source in this area

109
00:09:49,671 --> 00:09:51,505
and we're gonna shut you down
for good.

110
00:09:51,590 --> 00:09:53,382
For good, cancer merchant.

111
00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:56,677
Cancer merchant, cancer merchant.

112
00:10:01,016 --> 00:10:03,392
Who's leading this mob?

113
00:10:05,353 --> 00:10:07,271
That guy.

114
00:10:07,355 --> 00:10:09,481
Freeze.

115
00:10:11,526 --> 00:10:13,402
What's going on?

116
00:10:15,113 --> 00:10:18,866
Let's see some credentials. Slowly.

117
00:10:21,703 --> 00:10:23,454
You're a Chewlies Gum
representative?

118
00:10:23,538 --> 00:10:24,538
Chewlies?

119
00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:27,124
And you're stirring up all this
antismoking sentiment

120
00:10:27,208 --> 00:10:31,712
to what, sell more gum?
Get out of here.

121
00:10:32,297 --> 00:10:34,465
And you people,
don't you have jobs to go to?

122
00:10:34,549 --> 00:10:36,300
Get out of here. Go commute.

123
00:10:36,384 --> 00:10:38,052
You ought to be ashamed
of yourselves.

124
00:10:38,136 --> 00:10:40,262
Bunch of easily led automatons.

125
00:10:40,388 --> 00:10:44,892
Try thinking for yourselves before you
pelt an innocent man with cigarettes.

126
00:10:50,732 --> 00:10:52,733
Pack of cigarettes.

127
00:11:00,450 --> 00:11:03,327
All right. Don't you think
you're taking this a bit too hard?

128
00:11:03,411 --> 00:11:06,038
Too hard?
I have enough indignities in my life

129
00:11:06,122 --> 00:11:08,082
and people start
throwing cigarettes at me.

130
00:11:08,166 --> 00:11:11,001
-Least they weren't lit.
-Oh, I hate this fucking place.

131
00:11:11,086 --> 00:11:13,337
Then quit.
You should be going to school anyway.

132
00:11:13,421 --> 00:11:16,006
Please, Veronica. Last thing I need
at this point is a lecture.

133
00:11:16,091 --> 00:11:18,884
All I'm saying is if you're that unhappy,
you should leave.

134
00:11:18,968 --> 00:11:20,969
I'm not even supposed
to be here today.

135
00:11:21,054 --> 00:11:22,846
I know. I stopped by your house.

136
00:11:22,931 --> 00:11:25,307
Your mom told me you left,
like, at 6:00.

137
00:11:25,392 --> 00:11:27,768
The guy got sick. He couldn't come in.

138
00:11:27,852 --> 00:11:29,603
Don't you have a hockey game at 2:00?

139
00:11:29,688 --> 00:11:31,980
Yes. And I'm gonna play like shit

140
00:11:32,065 --> 00:11:34,149
because I didn't have
a good night's sleep.

141
00:11:34,234 --> 00:11:35,651
Why'd you agree to come in, then?

142
00:11:35,777 --> 00:11:37,861
Hey, I'm only here until 1 2:00.
After that, I'm gone.

143
00:11:37,946 --> 00:11:39,071
The boss comes in.

144
00:11:39,155 --> 00:11:41,031
Open the shutters, get sunlight in here.

145
00:11:41,116 --> 00:11:44,034
-Someone jammed gum in the locks.
-You're kidding.

146
00:11:44,119 --> 00:11:46,328
Bunch of savages in this town.

147
00:11:51,626 --> 00:11:53,293
Thanks.

148
00:11:53,378 --> 00:11:55,170
How much money
did you leave up there?

149
00:11:55,296 --> 00:11:58,048
Like, $3 in mixed change
and a couple of singles.

150
00:11:58,133 --> 00:12:00,884
This time in the morning,
people just get paper or coffee.

151
00:12:00,969 --> 00:12:03,554
-You're trusting.
-Why do you say that?

152
00:12:03,638 --> 00:12:05,764
How do you know they're taking
the right change?

153
00:12:05,849 --> 00:12:07,558
Or even paying for what they take?

154
00:12:07,642 --> 00:12:10,394
Theoretically, people see money
on the counter and no one around,

155
00:12:10,478 --> 00:12:12,354
they think they're being watched.

156
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:15,482
Honesty through paranoia.

157
00:12:15,567 --> 00:12:17,067
Why do you smell like shoe polish?

158
00:12:17,152 --> 00:12:19,236
I needed shoe polish
to make that sign out there.

159
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:21,822
The smell won't come off.

160
00:12:22,991 --> 00:12:24,908
Do you think anybody
can see us down here?

161
00:12:24,993 --> 00:12:26,952
Why?
Do you wanna have sex or something?

162
00:12:27,036 --> 00:12:28,412
Can we?

163
00:12:28,496 --> 00:12:30,664
-Really?
-I was kidding.

164
00:12:30,749 --> 00:12:34,209
-Like you can't get enough of me.
-Typically male point of view.

165
00:12:34,294 --> 00:12:35,753
How do you figure?

166
00:12:35,837 --> 00:12:38,922
You show some bedroom proficiency,
you think you're gods.

167
00:12:39,007 --> 00:12:41,425
-What about what we do for you?
-Women?

168
00:12:41,509 --> 00:12:43,093
Women as lovers
are basically the same.

169
00:12:43,178 --> 00:12:44,678
They just have to be there.

170
00:12:44,763 --> 00:12:45,804
Be there?

171
00:12:45,889 --> 00:12:48,140
Making a male climax
isn't at all challenging.

172
00:12:48,224 --> 00:12:52,644
Insert somewhere close,
preferably moist, thrust, repeat.

173
00:12:52,729 --> 00:12:54,605
How flattering.

174
00:12:54,689 --> 00:12:57,775
Now, making a woman come,
therein lies a challenge.

175
00:12:57,859 --> 00:12:59,234
Oh, you think so?

176
00:12:59,319 --> 00:13:02,279
A woman makes a guy come,
it's standard.

177
00:13:02,363 --> 00:13:05,032
A guy makes a woman come, it's talent.

178
00:13:05,116 --> 00:13:07,534
-And I actually date you?
-Something wrong?

179
00:13:07,619 --> 00:13:09,620
I'm insulted.

180
00:13:09,704 --> 00:13:12,539
Believe me, Don Juan,
it takes more than that to get a guy off.

181
00:13:12,624 --> 00:13:15,167
Just being there, as you put it,
is not enough.

182
00:13:15,251 --> 00:13:16,960
Oh, I've touched a nerve.

183
00:13:17,045 --> 00:13:19,963
I'm astonished to hear you
trivialize my role in our sex life.

184
00:13:20,048 --> 00:13:22,466
It wasn't directed at you.
I was making a broad generalization.

185
00:13:22,550 --> 00:13:25,093
You were making a generalization
about broads.

186
00:13:25,178 --> 00:13:26,970
Those are my opinions
based on the few women

187
00:13:27,055 --> 00:13:29,640
who were goodly enough
to sleep with me.

188
00:13:29,724 --> 00:13:31,642
-How many?
-How many what?

189
00:13:31,726 --> 00:13:33,435
How many different girls
have you slept with?

190
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:36,355
How many different girls?
Didn't we have this discussion once?

191
00:13:36,439 --> 00:13:39,066
We might have, I don't remember.
How many?

192
00:13:39,150 --> 00:13:42,986
-Including you?
-It better be up to and including me.

193
00:13:43,071 --> 00:13:46,573
-Twelve.
-You've slept with 1 2 different girls?

194
00:13:46,658 --> 00:13:49,409
Including you, yes.

195
00:13:49,494 --> 00:13:50,619
What'd you do that for?

196
00:13:50,745 --> 00:13:51,870
-You're a pig.
-Why'd you hit me?

197
00:13:51,955 --> 00:13:53,580
Know how many men I've had sex with?

198
00:13:53,665 --> 00:13:56,625
-Do I get to hit you after you tell me?
-Three.

199
00:13:56,709 --> 00:13:59,002
-Three?
-Three including you.

200
00:13:59,087 --> 00:14:00,671
You've only slept with three people?

201
00:14:00,755 --> 00:14:02,422
-I'm not the pig you are.
-Who?

202
00:14:02,507 --> 00:14:05,717
-You.
-No. Who were the three besides me?

203
00:14:05,802 --> 00:14:09,179
John Francin and Rob Stanslik.

204
00:14:09,264 --> 00:14:12,182
That's why you should feel like a pig.
You men make me sick.

205
00:14:12,267 --> 00:14:14,017
You'll sleep with anything
that says yes.

206
00:14:14,102 --> 00:14:17,229
-Animal, mineral or vegetable.
-Vegetable meaning paraplegic.

207
00:14:17,313 --> 00:14:19,356
They put up
the least amount of struggle.

208
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,025
After dropping a bombshell like that,
you owe me big.

209
00:14:22,110 --> 00:14:23,610
Name it.

210
00:14:23,695 --> 00:14:25,237
I want you to come with me on Monday.

211
00:14:25,321 --> 00:14:27,155
-Where?
-To school.

212
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:30,367
There's a seminar about getting back
into a scholastic program

213
00:14:30,451 --> 00:14:32,160
after a lapse in enrolment.

214
00:14:32,245 --> 00:14:34,371
Can't we ever have a discussion
without that coming up?

215
00:14:34,455 --> 00:14:35,873
It's important to me, Dante.

216
00:14:35,957 --> 00:14:38,709
You have so much potential
that's going to waste in this pit.

217
00:14:38,793 --> 00:14:39,918
I wish you'd go back to school.

218
00:14:40,003 --> 00:14:42,546
Jesus, will you stop it?
You're making my head hurt.

219
00:14:42,630 --> 00:14:43,964
Shit. Why are we getting up?

220
00:14:44,048 --> 00:14:47,217
Unlike you,
I have a class in 45 minutes.

221
00:14:47,886 --> 00:14:52,222
-Willam.
-Oh, hey, Ronni. How you been, man?

222
00:14:53,641 --> 00:14:58,562
-What, do you work here now?
-No, I was visiting my man.

223
00:14:58,646 --> 00:15:02,232
Dante, this is Willam Black.
This is Dante Hicks, my boyfriend.

224
00:15:02,317 --> 00:15:06,778
-How you doing? Just the soda?
-No, and a pack of cigarettes.

225
00:15:06,863 --> 00:15:11,074
So where you been, man?
Are you still going to Seton Hall?

226
00:15:11,159 --> 00:15:15,370
No, I transferred into Monmouth
this year. I was tired of missing him.

227
00:15:15,455 --> 00:15:17,789
That's beautiful, man.

228
00:15:18,416 --> 00:15:20,918
So you still talk to Silvan?

229
00:15:21,002 --> 00:15:24,004
I just talked to her on Monday.
We still hang out on weekends.

230
00:15:24,839 --> 00:15:26,423
Oh, that's great.

231
00:15:26,507 --> 00:15:29,843
Well, you two lovebirds
take it easy, okay?

232
00:15:29,928 --> 00:15:31,637
Bye. Take it easy.

233
00:15:33,306 --> 00:15:36,850
-That was Snowball.
-Why do you call him that?

234
00:15:37,852 --> 00:15:40,646
Silvan made it up. It's a blow job thing.

235
00:15:40,730 --> 00:15:42,272
What do you mean?

236
00:15:42,357 --> 00:15:43,649
After he gets a blow job,

237
00:15:43,733 --> 00:15:46,693
he likes to have it spit back
into his mouth while kissing.

238
00:15:46,778 --> 00:15:48,111
It's called snowballing.

239
00:15:48,196 --> 00:15:51,031
-He requests this?
-He gets off on it.

240
00:15:51,115 --> 00:15:53,283
Silvan can be talked into anything.

241
00:15:53,368 --> 00:15:56,745
-Why do you say that?
-Like you said, she snowballed him.

242
00:15:56,829 --> 00:16:01,124
-Silvan? No, I snowballed him.
-Yeah, right.

243
00:16:01,209 --> 00:16:03,210
I'm serious.

244
00:16:03,294 --> 00:16:05,295
You sucked that guy's dick?

245
00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,339
Yeah, how do you think
I knew that he. . .

246
00:16:07,423 --> 00:16:09,257
But you said you only had sex
with three guys.

247
00:16:09,384 --> 00:16:12,052
-You never mentioned him.
-Because I never had sex with him.

248
00:16:12,136 --> 00:16:13,303
You sucked his dick.

249
00:16:13,388 --> 00:16:14,471
We went out a few times.

250
00:16:14,555 --> 00:16:16,223
We never had sex,
but we fooled around.

251
00:16:16,307 --> 00:16:17,474
Oh, my God.

252
00:16:17,558 --> 00:16:19,601
Why'd you tell me you had sex
with three guys?

253
00:16:19,686 --> 00:16:22,145
Because I did only have sex
with three different guys.

254
00:16:22,230 --> 00:16:23,939
That doesn't mean
I didn't go with people.

255
00:16:24,023 --> 00:16:25,399
Oh, my God, I feel so nauseous.

256
00:16:25,483 --> 00:16:27,985
I'm sorry, Dante.
I thought you understood.

257
00:16:28,069 --> 00:16:29,319
I did understand.

258
00:16:29,404 --> 00:16:32,197
I understood that you had sex with
three guys and that's all you said.

259
00:16:32,281 --> 00:16:33,991
-Please calm down.
-How many?

260
00:16:34,075 --> 00:16:35,951
-Dante. . .
-How many dicks have you sucked?

261
00:16:36,035 --> 00:16:38,495
-How many?
-All right. Shut up and I'll tell you.

262
00:16:38,579 --> 00:16:41,581
Jesus. I didn't freak out when you
told me how many girls you fucked.

263
00:16:41,666 --> 00:16:44,418
This is different. This is important.
How many?

264
00:16:55,221 --> 00:16:57,014
Well?

265
00:16:59,058 --> 00:17:01,351
Something like 36.

266
00:17:01,436 --> 00:17:03,937
-What? Something like 36?
-Lower your voice.

267
00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:06,064
What is that anyway,
"Something like 36"?

268
00:17:06,149 --> 00:17:08,525
Does that include me?

269
00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:11,862
-Thirty-seven.
-I'm 37?

270
00:17:11,946 --> 00:17:15,365
-I'm going to class.
-Oh, my God.

271
00:17:15,450 --> 00:17:18,201
Thirty-seven?
My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks.

272
00:17:18,286 --> 00:17:20,871
-In a row?
-Hey, where are you going?

273
00:17:20,955 --> 00:17:23,874
Until today you never even knew
how many guys I'd slept with

274
00:17:23,958 --> 00:17:25,667
because you never even bothered
to ask.

275
00:17:25,752 --> 00:17:27,878
Then you act all nonchalant
about fucking 1 2 girls.

276
00:17:27,962 --> 00:17:30,881
-I never had sex with 1 2 different guys.
-No, but you sucked enough dick.

277
00:17:30,965 --> 00:17:32,924
-Yeah, I went down on a few guys.
-A few?

278
00:17:33,009 --> 00:17:34,217
And one of those guys was you.

279
00:17:34,302 --> 00:17:37,262
The last one, I might add, which,
if you're too stupid to comprehend,

280
00:17:37,346 --> 00:17:39,431
means I've been faithful to you
since we met.

281
00:17:39,515 --> 00:17:41,767
All the other guys I went with
before I met you.

282
00:17:41,851 --> 00:17:43,351
If you wanna have a complex,
go ahead.

283
00:17:43,436 --> 00:17:44,644
But don't look at me like a town whore

284
00:17:44,729 --> 00:17:46,730
because you were busy
before you met me.

285
00:17:46,814 --> 00:17:48,398
Why did you have to suck their dick?

286
00:17:48,483 --> 00:17:50,567
Why couldn't you sleep with them
like any decent person?

287
00:17:50,651 --> 00:17:52,402
Because going down isn't a big deal.

288
00:17:52,487 --> 00:17:55,447
I used to like a guy, we'd make out,
and sooner or later, I'd go down on him.

289
00:17:55,531 --> 00:17:57,616
But I only had sex with the guys I loved.

290
00:17:57,700 --> 00:18:00,410
-I feel sick.
-I love you. Don't feel sick.

291
00:18:00,495 --> 00:18:02,913
Every time I kiss you,
I'm gonna taste 36 other guys.

292
00:18:02,997 --> 00:18:05,624
I'm going to school. Maybe later
you'll be a bit more rational.

293
00:18:05,708 --> 00:18:08,710
-Thirty-seven. I just can't. . .
-Goodbye, Dante.

294
00:18:11,047 --> 00:18:15,092
Hey, try not to suck any dick
on your way through the parking lot.

295
00:18:15,176 --> 00:18:17,427
Hey, hey, you. Get back here.

296
00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:26,269
I thought that place was supposed
to be opened at 1 1 :00.

297
00:18:26,354 --> 00:18:27,604
It's 1 1 :20.

298
00:18:27,688 --> 00:18:31,149
I've already called his house twice.
I'm sure he'll be here soon.

299
00:18:31,234 --> 00:18:34,736
Hey. It's not like it's a demanding job
over there.

300
00:18:34,821 --> 00:18:37,447
I'd like to get paid
to sit on my ass and watch TV.

301
00:18:37,532 --> 00:18:40,117
I walked in here the other day,
that son of a bitch was sleeping.

302
00:18:40,201 --> 00:18:43,161
-I'm sure he wasn't sleeping.
-Are you calling me a liar?

303
00:18:43,246 --> 00:18:47,040
-Are you calling me a liar?
-No, he was probably resting his eyes.

304
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:49,376
What the hell is that,
"Resting his eyes"?

305
00:18:49,460 --> 00:18:51,294
What, like he's some
air traffic controller?

306
00:18:51,379 --> 00:18:53,463
Actually, that's his night job.

307
00:18:53,548 --> 00:18:57,050
Wiseass too, huh?
Go ahead, keep cracking wise.

308
00:18:57,135 --> 00:19:00,011
That's why you're jockeying a register
in some local convenience store

309
00:19:00,096 --> 00:19:02,639
instead of working at a steady job.

310
00:19:02,723 --> 00:19:06,726
Look, I've got no time to bullshit around
here waiting for that son of a bitch.

311
00:19:06,811 --> 00:19:08,770
Make sure he gets that.

312
00:19:08,855 --> 00:19:11,731
The number's 81 2.
My name's Wynarski.

313
00:19:11,816 --> 00:19:13,316
And I wanted a movie tonight.

314
00:19:13,401 --> 00:19:15,861
If you'll tell me the title,
I'm sure he'll hold it for you.

315
00:19:15,945 --> 00:19:19,906
Don't hurt yourself, buddy.
I'll go to Big Choice Video instead.

316
00:19:24,912 --> 00:19:26,830
You forgot your keys.

317
00:19:39,427 --> 00:19:42,387
-Guy ain't here yet.
-You're kidding. It's almost 1 1 :30.

318
00:19:42,471 --> 00:19:44,681
I know. I've been here since 1 1 :00.

319
00:19:44,765 --> 00:19:47,225
Man, I hate it when I can't rent videos.

320
00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:48,435
I would've went to Big Choice,

321
00:19:48,519 --> 00:19:50,604
but the tape I want
is right there on that wall.

322
00:19:50,688 --> 00:19:52,689
-Really? Which one?
-Dental School.

323
00:19:52,773 --> 00:19:55,150
You came for that too?
That's the movie I came for.

324
00:19:55,276 --> 00:19:57,194
-I have first dibs.
-Says who?

325
00:19:57,278 --> 00:20:00,405
Says me. I've been here for
half an hour. I'd call that first dibs.

326
00:20:00,489 --> 00:20:02,866
Ain't gonna happen, my friend.
I'm getting that movie.

327
00:20:02,950 --> 00:20:04,242
Like hell you are.

328
00:20:04,327 --> 00:20:07,078
I'll bet you 20 bucks
you don't get to rent that tape.

329
00:20:07,163 --> 00:20:08,705
-Twenty bucks?
-Twenty bucks.

330
00:20:08,789 --> 00:20:11,041
All right, asshole, you're on.

331
00:20:29,101 --> 00:20:31,269
-You're late.
-What the hell are you doing here?

332
00:20:31,354 --> 00:20:32,520
I thought you were playing hockey.

333
00:20:32,605 --> 00:20:35,440
-Boss called. Arthur fell ill.
-Why the shutters closed?

334
00:20:35,524 --> 00:20:38,276
-Someone jammed gum in the locks.
-Bunch of savages in this town.

335
00:20:38,361 --> 00:20:39,402
That's what I said.

336
00:20:39,487 --> 00:20:42,739
Shit, if I'd known you were here,
I'd have come even later.

337
00:20:42,823 --> 00:20:45,659
-What smells like shoe polish?
-Go open the store.

338
00:20:49,580 --> 00:20:51,623
Hey, you see a set of keys
around here?

339
00:20:51,707 --> 00:20:54,084
No time for love, Dr. Jones.

340
00:20:55,670 --> 00:20:57,170
Fucking kids.

341
00:21:19,610 --> 00:21:21,945
Some guy just came in
refusing to pay late fees.

342
00:21:22,029 --> 00:21:24,447
He said the store was closed
for two hours yesterday.

343
00:21:24,532 --> 00:21:27,284
-I tore up his membership.
-A shocking abuse of authority.

344
00:21:27,368 --> 00:21:30,120
Hey, I'm a firm believer
in the philosophy of a ruling class.

345
00:21:30,204 --> 00:21:31,538
Especially since I rule.

346
00:21:32,373 --> 00:21:34,124
You want something to drink?
I'm buying.

347
00:21:34,208 --> 00:21:35,625
No, thanks.

348
00:21:35,710 --> 00:21:37,836
Who's on your phone this morning
at 2:30?

349
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,130
-I was trying to call for a half an hour.
-Why?

350
00:21:40,214 --> 00:21:43,508
I wanted to use your car. Snack cake.

351
00:21:45,177 --> 00:21:46,970
-You don't wanna know.
-You called Caitlin again?

352
00:21:47,054 --> 00:21:48,763
-She called me.
-Did you tell Veronica?

353
00:21:48,848 --> 00:21:51,391
One fight a day with Veronica
is all I can stomach. Thanks.

354
00:21:51,475 --> 00:21:54,227
-What do you fight about?
-We don't fight about anything.

355
00:21:54,312 --> 00:21:57,272
She just wants me to leave and go back
to school and get some direction.

356
00:21:57,356 --> 00:21:59,983
I'll bet the most frequent topic
of arguments is Caitlin Bree.

357
00:22:00,067 --> 00:22:02,444
-You win.
-I'm gonna offer you some advice.

358
00:22:02,570 --> 00:22:04,946
Let the past be the past.
Forget Caitlin Bree.

359
00:22:05,072 --> 00:22:07,282
-Been with Veronica how long now?
-Seven months.

360
00:22:07,366 --> 00:22:09,784
Chick's nuts about you.
How long did you date Caitlin?

361
00:22:09,869 --> 00:22:11,953
-Five years.
-Chick only made you nuts, man.

362
00:22:12,038 --> 00:22:14,331
-She cheated on you how many times?
-Eight and a half.

363
00:22:14,415 --> 00:22:16,833
-Eight and a half?
-Party at John Kay's, senior year.

364
00:22:16,917 --> 00:22:18,626
I get blitzed,
passed out in his bedroom.

365
00:22:18,711 --> 00:22:20,211
Caitlin comes in and jumps all over me.

366
00:22:20,296 --> 00:22:22,964
-So that's cheating?
-In the middle, she called me "Brad."

367
00:22:23,049 --> 00:22:25,091
-She called you "Brad"?
-She called me "Brad."

368
00:22:25,176 --> 00:22:27,886
That's not cheating.
People say crazy shit during sex.

369
00:22:27,970 --> 00:22:31,389
-One time, I called this girl "Mom."
-I hit the lights and she freaks.

370
00:22:31,474 --> 00:22:33,683
-She thought I was Brad Michelson.
-What do you mean?

371
00:22:33,768 --> 00:22:35,769
She was supposed to meet Brad
in a bedroom.

372
00:22:35,853 --> 00:22:38,188
She picked the wrong one.
She didn't know I was at the party.

373
00:22:38,272 --> 00:22:39,689
-Oh, my God.
-Great story, huh?

374
00:22:39,774 --> 00:22:42,400
-That girl was vile to you.
-Interesting postscript to that.

375
00:22:42,485 --> 00:22:44,694
Do you know who wound up
in that bedroom with Brad?

376
00:22:44,779 --> 00:22:46,363
-Your mother?
-Alan Harris.

377
00:22:46,447 --> 00:22:48,031
Chess team Alan Harris?

378
00:22:48,115 --> 00:22:50,116
The two moved to Idaho together
after graduation.

379
00:22:50,201 --> 00:22:51,951
-They raise sheep.
-That's frightening.

380
00:22:52,036 --> 00:22:53,620
It takes different strokes
to move the world.

381
00:22:53,704 --> 00:22:54,871
In light of this lurid tale,

382
00:22:54,997 --> 00:22:57,707
I don't see how you'd romanticize
your relationship with Caitlin.

383
00:22:57,792 --> 00:23:00,293
Broke your heart
and drove men to deviant lifestyles.

384
00:23:00,378 --> 00:23:02,295
-There's good in our relationship.
-Oh, yeah?

385
00:23:02,380 --> 00:23:04,339
Aside from the cheating,
we were a great couple.

386
00:23:04,465 --> 00:23:06,257
I mean, that's what high school
is about.

387
00:23:06,342 --> 00:23:08,218
Algebra, bad lunch and infidelity.

388
00:23:08,302 --> 00:23:10,095
You think things will be different
this time?

389
00:23:10,179 --> 00:23:12,889
They are. When she calls me now,
she's a different person.

390
00:23:12,973 --> 00:23:14,391
She's frightened, vulnerable.

391
00:23:14,475 --> 00:23:17,102
She's finishing college
and she's about to enter the real world.

392
00:23:17,186 --> 00:23:19,562
-That's scary.
-I've got to place an order.

393
00:23:19,647 --> 00:23:20,730
I'm talking to myself here.

394
00:23:20,815 --> 00:23:22,649
I'm listening.
She's leaving college and. . .

395
00:23:22,733 --> 00:23:24,317
And she's looking to me for support.

396
00:23:24,402 --> 00:23:26,444
This is leading our relationship
to a new level.

397
00:23:26,529 --> 00:23:27,779
And what about Veronica?

398
00:23:27,863 --> 00:23:30,782
I think the arguments we are having
are some kind of manifestation

399
00:23:30,866 --> 00:23:32,826
of a subconscious desire
to break up with her

400
00:23:32,910 --> 00:23:35,120
so I can pursue a more meaningful
relationship with Caitlin.

401
00:23:35,204 --> 00:23:38,164
-And Caitlin's on the same wavelength?
-I think it's safe to say yes.

402
00:23:38,332 --> 00:23:40,500
All of you had better sit down
and talk it over.

403
00:23:40,584 --> 00:23:43,294
-All four?
-You, Veronica, Caitlin,

404
00:23:43,379 --> 00:23:44,838
and Caitlin's fiance.

405
00:23:55,474 --> 00:23:57,642
Excuse me. Do you sell video tapes?

406
00:23:57,726 --> 00:24:01,020
-Yeah. What are you looking for?
-Happy Scrappy, Hero Pup?

407
00:24:01,105 --> 00:24:03,606
One second. I'm on the phone
with the distribution house now.

408
00:24:03,691 --> 00:24:05,442
-Let me make sure they got it.
-Okay.

409
00:24:05,526 --> 00:24:06,651
What's it called again?

410
00:24:06,735 --> 00:24:09,279
-Happy Scrappy, Hero Pup.
-Happy Scrappy.

411
00:24:09,363 --> 00:24:11,364
-She loves it.
-Obviously.

412
00:24:12,533 --> 00:24:16,744
Yeah. Hi, this is RST Video calling.
Customer number 4352.

413
00:24:16,829 --> 00:24:18,913
I'd like to place an order.

414
00:24:19,039 --> 00:24:21,249
Okay.
I need one each of the following tapes,

415
00:24:21,333 --> 00:24:23,501
Whispers in the Wind,
To Each His Own,

416
00:24:23,586 --> 00:24:26,671
Put lt Where lt Doesn't Belong,
My Pipes Need Cleaning,

417
00:24:26,755 --> 00:24:29,966
All Tit Fucking, Volume 8,
l Need Your Cock,

418
00:24:30,050 --> 00:24:33,553
Ass Worshipping Rim Jobbers,
My Cunt and Eight Shafts,

419
00:24:33,679 --> 00:24:37,932
Cum Clean, Cum Gargling
Naked Sluts, Cum Buns lll,

420
00:24:38,017 --> 00:24:40,643
Cumming in Socks, Come on llene,

421
00:24:40,728 --> 00:24:42,812
Huge Black Cocks
With Pearly White Cum,

422
00:24:42,897 --> 00:24:45,773
Girls Who Crave Cock,
Girls Who Crave Cunt,

423
00:24:45,900 --> 00:24:49,819
Men Alone ll, The KY Connection,
Pink Pussy Lips.

424
00:24:49,904 --> 00:24:53,490
Oh, yeah and All Holes Filled
With Hard Cock. Yup.

425
00:24:54,408 --> 00:24:56,868
Oh, wait a minute.
What was that called again?

426
00:25:17,723 --> 00:25:20,683
Yes, I'd like to check
on a misprint in today's edition?

427
00:25:20,768 --> 00:25:22,560
Today's edition.

428
00:25:22,645 --> 00:25:25,647
It says
"Bree to wed Asian design major."

429
00:25:26,899 --> 00:25:28,358
No, no, everything's spelled fine.

430
00:25:28,442 --> 00:25:31,903
I was just wondering
if the article was a misprint.

431
00:25:31,987 --> 00:25:34,239
I don't know. Like a typographical error
or something?

432
00:25:34,573 --> 00:25:36,533
I don't know.
Maybe it should say "Caitlin Bray"

433
00:25:36,617 --> 00:25:38,952
or "Caitlin Bre" with one E.

434
00:25:39,870 --> 00:25:42,664
I'm a curious party. A curious party.

435
00:25:44,542 --> 00:25:48,044
I'm an ex-boyfriend and, well,
it's just that I talk to her all the time

436
00:25:48,128 --> 00:25:49,629
and she never mentioned
this engagement.

437
00:25:49,713 --> 00:25:52,632
That's why I'm thinking,
maybe it's a misprint.

438
00:25:54,301 --> 00:25:55,969
Are you sure?

439
00:25:56,053 --> 00:25:59,597
I mean, maybe there's
a vindictive printer working for you.

440
00:25:59,682 --> 00:26:00,932
Meaning, like, I don't know,

441
00:26:01,016 --> 00:26:03,393
someone who asked her out once
and got shot down.

442
00:26:03,477 --> 00:26:06,354
And this is his revenge by putting
this bogus article in the paper

443
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,398
when it went to the press.

444
00:26:08,482 --> 00:26:10,108
Hello? Hello?

445
00:26:19,743 --> 00:26:21,035
I don't care if she's my cousin or not,

446
00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:23,580
I'm gonna knock
those boots again tonight.

447
00:26:23,664 --> 00:26:25,832
Well, look who it is,
the fucking human vacuum.

448
00:26:25,916 --> 00:26:27,208
Scumbag, what are you doing?

449
00:26:27,293 --> 00:26:29,085
I'm hanging with Silent Bob
and his cousin.

450
00:26:29,169 --> 00:26:30,295
He's your cousin?

451
00:26:30,379 --> 00:26:33,673
-Yeah, and he's from Russia too.
-No way. What part of Russia?

452
00:26:33,799 --> 00:26:36,175
I don't fucking know.
Do I look like his fucking biographer?

453
00:26:36,260 --> 00:26:39,429
Olaf, what part of Russia are you from?

454
00:26:39,513 --> 00:26:41,931
-Moscow.
-He only speaks Russian?

455
00:26:42,016 --> 00:26:44,642
No, he speaks some English,
but he cannot speak it like we do.

456
00:26:44,727 --> 00:26:45,810
Is he staying here?

457
00:26:45,894 --> 00:26:47,604
No, he's moving
to the big city this week.

458
00:26:47,688 --> 00:26:50,023
-He wants to be a metal singer.
-No way.

459
00:26:50,107 --> 00:26:52,191
I swear. Olaf, metal.

460
00:26:53,027 --> 00:26:56,654
That's his fucking metal face.
Olaf, girl nice?

461
00:26:57,823 --> 00:27:00,491
-That's fucked up, man.
-What did he say?

462
00:27:00,576 --> 00:27:02,827
I don't know, man,
but this guy's a character.

463
00:27:02,953 --> 00:27:04,245
He really wants to play metal?

464
00:27:04,330 --> 00:27:05,830
Yeah. He's got his own band
in Moscow.

465
00:27:05,914 --> 00:27:07,373
It's called
Fuck Your Yankee Blue Jeans

466
00:27:07,458 --> 00:27:08,625
or something like that.

467
00:27:08,709 --> 00:27:10,752
-Doesn't sound metal.
-You gotta hear him sing.

468
00:27:10,836 --> 00:27:13,046
Olaf, "Berserker."

469
00:27:13,130 --> 00:27:15,131
Come on, man, "Berserker."

470
00:27:15,215 --> 00:27:16,841
Does he sing in English or Russian?

471
00:27:16,925 --> 00:27:21,054
In English. Come on, "Berserker."
Girls think sexy.

472
00:27:22,431 --> 00:27:25,224
Watch, wait, he's gonna sing it.
Watch, it's too funny.

473
00:27:25,309 --> 00:27:29,854
My love for you is like a truck
Berserker

474
00:27:29,938 --> 00:27:33,983
Would you like some making fuck
Berserker

475
00:27:34,068 --> 00:27:37,070
-That's fucking funny, man.
-Did he sing "Making fuck"?

476
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:02,345
My love for you is ticking clock
Berserker

477
00:28:02,429 --> 00:28:06,474
Would you like to suck my cock
Berserker

478
00:28:07,851 --> 00:28:09,769
That's beautiful, man.

479
00:28:14,650 --> 00:28:17,110
Hold on to the counter and I'll pull.

480
00:28:17,194 --> 00:28:20,363
Usually I just turn the can upside down.

481
00:28:20,447 --> 00:28:22,699
Maybe we ought to soap your hand up.

482
00:28:22,783 --> 00:28:24,659
They ought to put a warning
on these things.

483
00:28:24,785 --> 00:28:27,036
-Like they do with cigarettes.
-Oh, I think it's coming.

484
00:28:31,291 --> 00:28:34,544
Thanks.
I thought I had to go to the hospital.

485
00:28:34,628 --> 00:28:37,630
I'll throw this out
as a precautionary measure.

486
00:28:37,715 --> 00:28:39,298
It stings a little.

487
00:28:39,383 --> 00:28:40,967
A little word of advice, my friend.

488
00:28:41,051 --> 00:28:44,387
Sometimes you gotta let
those hard to reach chips go.

489
00:28:44,471 --> 00:28:45,805
Thanks.

490
00:28:47,474 --> 00:28:50,727
You know that article's accurate?
Caitlin really is getting married.

491
00:28:50,811 --> 00:28:51,894
Know what I just watched?

492
00:28:51,979 --> 00:28:53,646
Me pulling a can off some moron's fist?

493
00:28:53,731 --> 00:28:55,398
Return of the Jedi.

494
00:28:55,482 --> 00:28:58,735
Didn't you hear me?
Caitlin is really getting married.

495
00:28:58,819 --> 00:29:02,488
Which did you like better,
Jedi or The Empire Strikes Back?

496
00:29:02,573 --> 00:29:04,657
-Empire.
-Blasphemy.

497
00:29:05,784 --> 00:29:07,076
Empire had the better ending.

498
00:29:07,161 --> 00:29:11,247
I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off,
finds out Vader's his father.

499
00:29:11,331 --> 00:29:13,291
Han gets frozen,
taken away by Boba Fett.

500
00:29:13,375 --> 00:29:14,584
It ends on such a down note.

501
00:29:14,668 --> 00:29:18,379
I mean, that's what life is,
a series of down endings.

502
00:29:18,464 --> 00:29:20,631
All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets.

503
00:29:20,716 --> 00:29:22,425
There was something else
going on in Jedi.

504
00:29:22,509 --> 00:29:24,177
I never noticed it until today.

505
00:29:24,261 --> 00:29:26,262
-They build another Death Star, right?
-Yeah.

506
00:29:26,346 --> 00:29:28,514
Now, the first one was completed
and fully operational

507
00:29:28,599 --> 00:29:29,974
before the Rebels destroyed it.

508
00:29:30,058 --> 00:29:31,893
Luke blew it up.
Give credit where credit's due.

509
00:29:31,977 --> 00:29:34,187
Second one was still being built
when they blew it up.

510
00:29:34,271 --> 00:29:35,813
Compliments of Lando Calrissian.

511
00:29:35,898 --> 00:29:38,608
Something just never sat right with me
that second time around.

512
00:29:38,692 --> 00:29:39,942
I could never put my finger on it.

513
00:29:40,027 --> 00:29:42,612
-But something just wasn't right.
-And you figured it out.

514
00:29:42,696 --> 00:29:45,323
The first Death Star was manned
by the Imperial Army.

515
00:29:45,407 --> 00:29:47,283
The only people onboard
were stormtroopers,

516
00:29:47,367 --> 00:29:50,203
-dignitaries, Imperials.
-Basically.

517
00:29:50,287 --> 00:29:52,955
So when they blew it up,
no problem, evil is punished.

518
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:54,123
And the second time around?

519
00:29:54,208 --> 00:29:56,501
The second time around,
it wasn't even done being built yet.

520
00:29:56,585 --> 00:29:58,795
-It was still under construction.
-So?

521
00:29:58,879 --> 00:30:01,339
So a construction job of that magnitude
would require

522
00:30:01,423 --> 00:30:04,383
a hell of a lot more manpower
than the Imperial Army had to offer.

523
00:30:04,468 --> 00:30:07,261
I'll bet they brought independent
contractors in on that thing.

524
00:30:07,346 --> 00:30:09,972
-Plumbers, aluminum-siders, roofers. . .
-Not just Imperialists.

525
00:30:10,057 --> 00:30:11,474
-Is that what you're getting at?
-Exactly.

526
00:30:11,558 --> 00:30:15,311
To get it built quickly and quietly,
they'd hire anybody that can do the job.

527
00:30:15,395 --> 00:30:17,814
Think the average stormtrooper
knows how to install a toilet main?

528
00:30:17,898 --> 00:30:20,107
All they know is killing
and white uniforms.

529
00:30:20,192 --> 00:30:22,610
All right, so they bring in
independent contractors.

530
00:30:22,694 --> 00:30:24,445
Why are you so upset
at its destruction?

531
00:30:24,530 --> 00:30:27,657
All those innocent contractors
brought in to do the job were killed.

532
00:30:27,825 --> 00:30:29,659
Casualties of a war
they had nothing to do with.

533
00:30:30,619 --> 00:30:32,495
All right, look. You're a roofer.

534
00:30:32,579 --> 00:30:34,914
Some juicy government contract
comes your way,

535
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,708
you got a wife and kids,
the two-story in suburbia.

536
00:30:37,793 --> 00:30:41,003
This is a government contract,
which means all sorts of benefits.

537
00:30:41,088 --> 00:30:42,505
Along come these left-wing militants

538
00:30:42,589 --> 00:30:45,341
that blast everything
within a 3-mile radius with their lasers.

539
00:30:45,425 --> 00:30:47,718
You did not ask for that.
You had no personal politics.

540
00:30:47,803 --> 00:30:49,679
You're trying to scrape out a living.

541
00:30:49,763 --> 00:30:52,181
I don't mean to interrupt,
but what are you talking about?

542
00:30:52,266 --> 00:30:53,850
The ending of Return of the Jedi.

543
00:30:53,934 --> 00:30:56,727
My friend is trying to convince me
that any independent contractors

544
00:30:56,812 --> 00:30:58,729
who were working
on the uncompleted Death Star

545
00:30:58,814 --> 00:31:01,315
were innocent victims
when it was destroyed by the Rebels.

546
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,026
Well, I'm a contractor myself.
I'm a roofer.

547
00:31:04,111 --> 00:31:07,488
Done and Ready Home Improvements.
And speaking as a roofer,

548
00:31:07,573 --> 00:31:11,367
I can tell you a roofer's personal politics
comes into play when choosing jobs.

549
00:31:11,451 --> 00:31:12,535
Like when?

550
00:31:12,619 --> 00:31:14,787
Three weeks ago,
I was offered a job up in the hills.

551
00:31:14,872 --> 00:31:18,958
A beautiful house. Tons of property.
A simple re-shingling job.

552
00:31:19,042 --> 00:31:23,004
They told me if I could finish it
in one day, I would double my price.

553
00:31:23,088 --> 00:31:25,923
-Then I realized whose house it was.
-Whose house was it?

554
00:31:26,008 --> 00:31:30,011
-Dominic Bambino's.
-"Baby Face" Bambino? The gangster?

555
00:31:30,095 --> 00:31:33,723
The same. The money was right,
but the risk was too high.

556
00:31:33,807 --> 00:31:37,894
I knew who he was and based on that,
I turned the job over to a friend of mine.

557
00:31:37,978 --> 00:31:39,854
Based on personal politics.

558
00:31:39,980 --> 00:31:42,398
Right. And the next week
the Forsie family

559
00:31:42,482 --> 00:31:44,734
put a hit on Baby Face's house.

560
00:31:44,818 --> 00:31:48,195
My friend was shot and killed.
Didn't even finish re-shingling.

561
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:49,322
No way.

562
00:31:49,406 --> 00:31:53,492
I'm alive because I knew the risk
involved in that particular client.

563
00:31:53,577 --> 00:31:55,578
My friend wasn't so lucky.

564
00:31:55,662 --> 00:31:59,582
Any contractor working on that
Death Star knew the risk involved.

565
00:31:59,666 --> 00:32:02,668
If they got killed, it's their own fault.

566
00:32:02,753 --> 00:32:05,546
A roofer listens to this, not his wallet.

567
00:32:16,725 --> 00:32:19,852
They say so much,
but they never tell you if it's any good.

568
00:32:23,190 --> 00:32:25,691
Are either one of these any good?

569
00:32:26,485 --> 00:32:28,486
-Sir?
-What?

570
00:32:28,570 --> 00:32:31,906
-Are either one of these any good?
-I don't watch movies.

571
00:32:33,283 --> 00:32:35,743
Well, have you heard anything
about either one of them?

572
00:32:35,827 --> 00:32:38,996
I find it's best to stay out
of other people's affairs.

573
00:32:39,081 --> 00:32:43,209
You mean you haven't heard anybody
say anything about either one of these?

574
00:32:43,293 --> 00:32:44,710
Nope.

575
00:32:49,299 --> 00:32:52,218
-Well, what about these two?
-Oh, they suck.

576
00:32:53,387 --> 00:32:57,723
These are the same two movies.
You weren't paying any attention.

577
00:32:57,808 --> 00:32:59,809
No, I wasn't.

578
00:32:59,893 --> 00:33:01,811
I don't think your manager
would appreciate it. . .

579
00:33:01,895 --> 00:33:05,189
-I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
-I beg your pardon?

580
00:33:05,273 --> 00:33:08,192
Your ruse.
Your cunning attempt to trick me.

581
00:33:09,069 --> 00:33:10,695
I was only pointing out

582
00:33:10,779 --> 00:33:13,155
that you weren't paying any attention
to what I was saying.

583
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:16,701
-And I hope it feels good.
-You hope what feels good?

584
00:33:16,785 --> 00:33:19,996
I hope it feels so good to be right.
There's nothing more exhilarating

585
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:23,916
than pointing out the shortcomings
of others, is there?

586
00:33:24,001 --> 00:33:27,586
-Well, this is the last time I rent here.
-You'll be missed.

587
00:33:27,671 --> 00:33:29,130
Screw you.

588
00:33:31,675 --> 00:33:33,759
Hey, you're not allowed
to rent here anymore.

589
00:33:33,844 --> 00:33:36,178
Yeah !

590
00:33:36,263 --> 00:33:37,555
Screw me?

591
00:33:51,111 --> 00:33:53,612
You'll never believe
what this unruly customer just said.

592
00:33:53,739 --> 00:33:55,364
-Wait.
-She in here?

593
00:33:55,449 --> 00:33:57,908
This guy is going through all the eggs.
Look.

594
00:33:57,993 --> 00:33:59,702
This has been going on for 20 minutes.

595
00:33:59,786 --> 00:34:01,120
What's he looking for?

596
00:34:01,204 --> 00:34:03,748
-Said he has to find the perfect dozen.
-Perfect dozen?

597
00:34:03,832 --> 00:34:05,916
Yeah. Each egg has to be perfect.

598
00:34:06,001 --> 00:34:08,044
-The quest isn't going well, huh?
-Obviously not.

599
00:34:08,128 --> 00:34:09,920
Look at the cartons
that didn't make the grade.

600
00:34:10,005 --> 00:34:11,547
Why doesn't he mix and match?

601
00:34:11,631 --> 00:34:14,175
-I told him and he yelled at me.
-What did he say?

602
00:34:14,259 --> 00:34:15,926
He said it was important
to have standards.

603
00:34:16,011 --> 00:34:19,638
-He said nobody has pride anymore.
-It's not like you laid the eggs yourself.

604
00:34:19,723 --> 00:34:22,266
Five minutes.
After that, I'm calling the cops.

605
00:34:22,350 --> 00:34:25,978
I don't need this. I'm not even supposed
to be here today.

606
00:34:27,314 --> 00:34:29,440
Two packs of cigarettes.

607
00:34:31,985 --> 00:34:33,778
I'm as puzzled as you.

608
00:34:33,862 --> 00:34:36,489
-I've actually seen it before.
-You know him?

609
00:34:36,573 --> 00:34:38,449
I don't know him,
but I know the behavior.

610
00:34:38,533 --> 00:34:41,827
-Looking for the perfect carton of eggs?
-Yeah. How'd you know?

611
00:34:41,912 --> 00:34:44,330
And I'll bet you a million dollars
he's a guidance counselor.

612
00:34:44,414 --> 00:34:45,581
Why do you say that?

613
00:34:45,665 --> 00:34:48,209
Well, I saw it happen
in Food City, like, last year.

614
00:34:48,335 --> 00:34:49,668
Different guy though.

615
00:34:49,753 --> 00:34:50,836
Stock boy said that he'd been

616
00:34:50,921 --> 00:34:52,588
looking through cartons of eggs
for half an hour,

617
00:34:52,714 --> 00:34:55,341
doing all sorts of endurance tests
and stuff.

618
00:34:55,425 --> 00:34:57,051
I ask them why nobody
ever called the manager,

619
00:34:57,177 --> 00:35:00,012
and he said it happens, like, two,
three times a week, sometimes more.

620
00:35:00,138 --> 00:35:02,014
-Get out of here.
-No, I kid you not.

621
00:35:02,182 --> 00:35:03,599
They call it shell shock.

622
00:35:03,683 --> 00:35:05,684
Seems to only happens
with guidance counselors.

623
00:35:05,769 --> 00:35:08,479
They used to make a big deal of it,
but they let it go

624
00:35:08,563 --> 00:35:10,272
because they always
pay for whatever they break

625
00:35:10,357 --> 00:35:11,857
and they never bother anybody.

626
00:35:11,942 --> 00:35:13,567
Why guidance counselors?

627
00:35:13,652 --> 00:35:17,029
Well, if your job was as meaningless
as theirs, wouldn't you go crazy too?

628
00:35:17,114 --> 00:35:19,990
Come to think of it, my guidance
counselor was kind of worthless.

629
00:35:20,075 --> 00:35:22,952
See? It's important to have a job
that makes a difference, boys.

630
00:35:23,036 --> 00:35:25,412
That's why I manually masturbate
caged animals

631
00:35:25,497 --> 00:35:27,289
for artificial insemination.

632
00:36:02,993 --> 00:36:06,662
You ever notice that all the prices
end in nine?

633
00:36:06,746 --> 00:36:08,664
Damn, that's eerie.

634
00:36:08,748 --> 00:36:11,333
You know how much money the
average jizz-mopper makes per hour?

635
00:36:11,418 --> 00:36:12,751
What's a jizz-mopper?

636
00:36:12,836 --> 00:36:15,838
The guy that cleans out the nudie booth
after each guy jerks off.

637
00:36:15,922 --> 00:36:18,215
-"Nudie booth"?
-Yeah, nudie booth.

638
00:36:18,300 --> 00:36:20,634
-Never been in a nudie booth?
-Guess not.

639
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:22,011
Oh, man, it's great.

640
00:36:22,095 --> 00:36:25,264
You go to this booth and there's this
glass between you and these chicks

641
00:36:25,348 --> 00:36:27,516
and they put on a show for you for like
for, like, 1 0 bucks.

642
00:36:27,601 --> 00:36:28,767
What kind of a show?

643
00:36:28,852 --> 00:36:31,812
Think of the weirdest,
craziest shit you'd like to see chicks do.

644
00:36:31,897 --> 00:36:33,189
I mean, these chicks do it all.

645
00:36:33,273 --> 00:36:36,817
They insert things into any opening
on their body. Any opening.

646
00:36:36,902 --> 00:36:37,985
Can we not talk about this now?

647
00:36:38,069 --> 00:36:41,155
The jizz-mopper's job is to clean it up
after each guy shoots a load.

648
00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:44,533
Everybody does it right on the window.
I don't know if you noticed,

649
00:36:44,618 --> 00:36:46,702
but cum leaves streaks
if you don't clean it right away.

650
00:36:46,786 --> 00:36:49,997
-I will never come to this place again.
-Excuse me?

651
00:36:50,081 --> 00:36:52,166
Using filthy language
in front of the customers.

652
00:36:52,250 --> 00:36:54,001
You both should be fired.

653
00:36:54,085 --> 00:36:57,421
Oh, I'm sorry.
I guess we kind of got carried away.

654
00:36:57,505 --> 00:37:00,216
Well, I don't know
if sorry can make up for it.

655
00:37:00,300 --> 00:37:02,343
You've highly offended me.

656
00:37:03,803 --> 00:37:07,139
Well, if you think that's offensive,
check this out.

657
00:37:08,183 --> 00:37:09,600
I think you can see her kidneys.

658
00:37:09,684 --> 00:37:11,268
Why do you do things like that?

659
00:37:11,353 --> 00:37:13,270
You know he's gonna come back
and tell the boss.

660
00:37:13,355 --> 00:37:15,064
Who cares? That guy's an asshole.

661
00:37:15,148 --> 00:37:17,399
Everybody that comes in here
is way too uptight.

662
00:37:17,484 --> 00:37:19,735
This job would be great
if it wasn't for the customers.

663
00:37:19,819 --> 00:37:21,570
I'm gonna hear from the boss tomorrow.

664
00:37:21,655 --> 00:37:23,197
Oh, would you loosen up?

665
00:37:23,281 --> 00:37:24,406
You'd feel a hell of a lot better

666
00:37:24,491 --> 00:37:26,700
if you'd rip into
the occasional customer.

667
00:37:26,785 --> 00:37:29,495
Why? I don't bother them
and they don't bother me.

668
00:37:29,621 --> 00:37:31,580
Liar. Tell me there aren't customers

669
00:37:31,665 --> 00:37:34,250
that annoy the piss out of you
on a daily basis.

670
00:37:34,334 --> 00:37:36,669
-There aren't.
-How can you lie like that?

671
00:37:36,753 --> 00:37:39,588
Why don't you vent?
Vent your frustrations.

672
00:37:39,673 --> 00:37:42,341
Come on. Who pisses you off?

673
00:37:42,801 --> 00:37:46,595
Well, I guess it isn't customers
in particular.

674
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:48,889
Maybe just a group of customers.

675
00:37:48,974 --> 00:37:52,685
-Well, let's hear it.
-Well, the milkmaids.

676
00:37:53,687 --> 00:37:55,562
The milkmaids?

677
00:37:55,689 --> 00:37:59,233
The women that go through every
gallon of milk looking for that later date

678
00:37:59,317 --> 00:38:01,443
as if somewhere beyond
all the other gallons

679
00:38:01,528 --> 00:38:05,072
is a container of milk that won't go bad
for, like, a decade.

680
00:38:06,032 --> 00:38:07,324
You know who I can do without?

681
00:38:07,409 --> 00:38:09,535
I could do without the people
in the video store.

682
00:38:09,619 --> 00:38:11,996
-Which ones?
-All of them.

683
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:15,374
What would you get for a 6-year-old
boy who chronically wets his bed?

684
00:38:15,750 --> 00:38:17,293
So do you have any new movies in?

685
00:38:18,712 --> 00:38:20,296
Do you have that one with that guy

686
00:38:20,380 --> 00:38:23,257
who was in that movie
that was out last year?

687
00:38:23,383 --> 00:38:24,967
They never rent quality flicks.

688
00:38:25,051 --> 00:38:28,095
They always pick the most intellectually
devoid movie on the racks.

689
00:38:29,222 --> 00:38:31,140
Navy Seals.

690
00:38:31,224 --> 00:38:34,560
It's like in order to join, they have
to have an IQ less than their shoe size.

691
00:38:34,644 --> 00:38:36,020
Think you get stupid questions?

692
00:38:36,104 --> 00:38:38,564
You should hear the barrage
of stupid questions I get.

693
00:38:38,648 --> 00:38:41,442
What, there's no ice?
I gotta drink this coffee hot?

694
00:38:41,526 --> 00:38:43,235
So how much is this thing anyway?

695
00:38:46,948 --> 00:38:49,491
Do you sell hubcaps
for a '72 Pinto hatchback?

696
00:38:49,576 --> 00:38:51,410
Oh, Mini Truckin' magazine.

697
00:38:51,870 --> 00:38:54,163
See? You vented. Don't you feel better?

698
00:38:54,289 --> 00:38:55,831
-No.
-Why not?

699
00:38:55,915 --> 00:38:57,916
Because my ex-girlfriend's
getting married.

700
00:38:58,001 --> 00:39:01,837
Jesus, you got a one-track mind.
It's always Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin.

701
00:39:01,921 --> 00:39:03,505
Veronica.

702
00:39:05,258 --> 00:39:07,384
What happened to home by 1 2:00?

703
00:39:07,469 --> 00:39:09,678
Boss hasn't shown up yet.
How come you're not in class?

704
00:39:09,763 --> 00:39:13,223
Lit 1 01 got canceled so I stopped home
and I brought you some lunch.

705
00:39:13,308 --> 00:39:14,516
What is it?

706
00:39:14,601 --> 00:39:16,894
Peanut butter and jelly
with the crusts cut off.

707
00:39:16,978 --> 00:39:20,731
-What do you think it is? It's lasagna.
-Really?

708
00:39:20,815 --> 00:39:22,983
Oh, you're the queen.

709
00:39:23,068 --> 00:39:25,986
I'm glad you've calmed down a bit.
Hi, Randal.

710
00:39:26,071 --> 00:39:27,946
-Thirty-seven.
-Shut up.

711
00:39:29,449 --> 00:39:33,619
Yes, I've calmed down.
I'm not happy, but I'll be able to deal.

712
00:39:34,537 --> 00:39:37,289
Why don't you go back
to the video store?

713
00:39:41,461 --> 00:39:42,586
You had to tell him?

714
00:39:42,670 --> 00:39:45,005
I had to tell someone.
He put it into perspective.

715
00:39:45,090 --> 00:39:47,925
-What did he say?
-He said at least he wasn't 36.

716
00:39:48,009 --> 00:39:49,551
And that made you feel better?

717
00:39:49,636 --> 00:39:51,887
And he also said
that most of them were college guys

718
00:39:51,971 --> 00:39:53,305
I've never even seen or met before.

719
00:39:53,390 --> 00:39:56,392
-Ostrich syndrome. If you don't see it. . .
-It isn't there, yes.

720
00:39:56,476 --> 00:39:59,895
-Thank you for being rational.
-Thank you for the lasagna.

721
00:39:59,979 --> 00:40:02,773
-Couldn't get the shutters open?
-No. I called a locksmith.

722
00:40:02,857 --> 00:40:04,942
He said the earliest he could be here's
tomorrow morning.

723
00:40:05,026 --> 00:40:07,736
Bummer. Well, I've gotta
head back for the 1 :30 class.

724
00:40:07,821 --> 00:40:09,363
-What time do you get finished?
-Eight.

725
00:40:09,447 --> 00:40:13,283
But I have a sorority meeting till 9:00,
so I'll see you when you close, then.

726
00:40:13,368 --> 00:40:14,785
-Can we go out for coffee?
-Sure.

727
00:40:14,869 --> 00:40:16,703
Good.

728
00:40:16,788 --> 00:40:20,165
I'll see you when you close, then.
Enjoy the lasagna.

729
00:40:36,516 --> 00:40:38,517
Vermont?

730
00:40:38,601 --> 00:40:42,062
No, that can't be.
I just talked to him this morning.

731
00:40:42,147 --> 00:40:44,148
He left at what time?

732
00:40:44,858 --> 00:40:46,942
He really went to Vermont?

733
00:40:47,026 --> 00:40:48,986
When the hell
was someone gonna tell me?

734
00:40:49,070 --> 00:40:51,697
He promised me he'd be here by noon.

735
00:40:51,781 --> 00:40:53,949
Jesus. When does he get back?

736
00:40:54,033 --> 00:40:57,411
Tuesday? You gotta be kidding me.
I've got a hockey game at 2:00

737
00:40:57,495 --> 00:40:59,913
and the steel shutters are
jammed closed and he's in Vermont?

738
00:40:59,998 --> 00:41:02,624
I'm not even supposed
to be here today.

739
00:41:06,045 --> 00:41:08,547
So I'm stuck here until closing?

740
00:41:08,631 --> 00:41:10,757
Oh, this is just great.

741
00:41:10,842 --> 00:41:13,302
I can't fucking believe this.

742
00:41:14,637 --> 00:41:17,890
No. I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to yell at you.

743
00:41:19,309 --> 00:41:20,809
Yeah, I know.

744
00:41:22,187 --> 00:41:24,062
No, I'll be all right.

745
00:41:25,565 --> 00:41:29,651
Well, that's all I can do, right? Yeah.
All right, thanks. Bye.

746
00:41:30,570 --> 00:41:32,821
-Vermont?
-Can you fucking believe this?

747
00:41:32,906 --> 00:41:34,198
He didn't mention that
to you this morning?

748
00:41:34,282 --> 00:41:36,867
Not a word.
Not a fucking word, that slippery shit.

749
00:41:36,951 --> 00:41:39,328
-So, what, you're stuck here all day?
-Fuck!

750
00:41:39,412 --> 00:41:41,163
-Why'd you apologize?
-What?

751
00:41:41,247 --> 00:41:42,581
I heard you apologize. Why?

752
00:41:42,665 --> 00:41:45,000
-You have every reason to be mad.
-I know.

753
00:41:45,084 --> 00:41:48,795
Jesus. That seems to be the leitmotif
in your life, ever backing down.

754
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:50,881
-I don't back down.
-You always back down.

755
00:41:50,965 --> 00:41:53,717
You assume blame that's not yours,
you come in on your day off,

756
00:41:53,801 --> 00:41:55,052
you buckle like a belt.

757
00:41:55,136 --> 00:41:57,930
-Know what pisses me off?
-That I'm right about your buckling?

758
00:41:58,014 --> 00:42:00,474
-That I'm gonna miss the fucking game.
-Because you buckled.

759
00:42:00,558 --> 00:42:04,019
-Shut up with that shit. It ain't helping.
-Don't yell at me, pal.

760
00:42:04,103 --> 00:42:06,146
-I'm sorry.
-See? There you go again.

761
00:42:06,231 --> 00:42:08,315
I can't believe
I'm gonna miss the game.

762
00:42:08,399 --> 00:42:10,234
At least we're stuck here together.

763
00:42:10,318 --> 00:42:12,069
You got a customer.

764
00:42:12,779 --> 00:42:14,738
What? What do you want?

765
00:42:19,619 --> 00:42:21,995
Oh, I can't fucking believe this.

766
00:42:22,789 --> 00:42:24,957
Yeah, hello, Sanford? Dante.

767
00:42:25,792 --> 00:42:29,169
I can't play today. I'm stuck at work.

768
00:42:29,963 --> 00:42:33,507
Yeah, I know I'm not scheduled,
but I just. . . Forget it.

769
00:42:34,008 --> 00:42:38,136
Point is I can't play today.
Neither can Randal. He's working too.

770
00:42:39,847 --> 00:42:43,141
Hey, wait a second.
Do we have to play at the park?

771
00:42:43,935 --> 00:42:46,353
Hold on. You feeling limber?

772
00:42:57,115 --> 00:42:59,741
-Pull my laces tighter, man.
-I've gotta tell you, my friend.

773
00:42:59,826 --> 00:43:02,160
This is one of the ballsiest moves
I've been privy to.

774
00:43:02,245 --> 00:43:05,330
I never thought you capable of such
a blatant disregard of store policy.

775
00:43:05,415 --> 00:43:07,291
I told him I had a game today.
It's his own fault.

776
00:43:07,375 --> 00:43:09,251
No arguments here.
Insubordination rules.

777
00:43:09,335 --> 00:43:11,420
I want to play hockey
like I was scheduled to.

778
00:43:11,504 --> 00:43:13,088
Hey, I'm gonna grab a Gatorade.

779
00:43:13,172 --> 00:43:15,090
If you grab a Gatorade,
everybody's gonna grab one.

780
00:43:15,174 --> 00:43:17,050
-So?
-So? Who's gonna pay?

781
00:43:17,135 --> 00:43:19,136
What do you care,
shoe-polish-smelling motherfucker?

782
00:43:19,220 --> 00:43:22,472
I have responsibility.
I can't have everybody grab free drinks.

783
00:43:22,557 --> 00:43:25,017
What responsibility? You're closing
the fucking store to play hockey.

784
00:43:25,101 --> 00:43:26,226
He's got a point.

785
00:43:26,311 --> 00:43:28,645
Let me maintain some semblance
of managerial control.

786
00:43:28,730 --> 00:43:31,398
If you're gonna be insubordinate,
might as well go the full nine,

787
00:43:31,482 --> 00:43:33,108
not pussy out
when it comes to free shit to drink.

788
00:43:33,192 --> 00:43:35,527
Right. As if we're gonna have a run
on Gatorade.

789
00:43:35,612 --> 00:43:37,029
-Fucking-A.
-All right.

790
00:43:37,113 --> 00:43:38,780
Jesus, you fuckers are pushy.

791
00:43:38,865 --> 00:43:40,866
I hear Caitlin's marrying
an Asian drum major.

792
00:43:40,950 --> 00:43:42,618
-Design major.
-Can we not talk about this?

793
00:43:42,702 --> 00:43:46,705
Fine by me. But you're living in denial
and suppressing rage, motherfucker.

794
00:43:46,789 --> 00:43:49,416
-You gonna lock the store?
-You gonna lock the video store?

795
00:43:49,500 --> 00:43:52,085
Look who you're asking.
How we gonna block the street?

796
00:43:52,170 --> 00:43:55,881
-We're not playing in the street.
-Then where we gonna play?

797
00:44:03,264 --> 00:44:04,848
Hit him, hit him, hit him.

798
00:44:10,855 --> 00:44:12,064
Hit him.

799
00:44:17,654 --> 00:44:19,946
Dante. Here, here, here.

800
00:44:22,075 --> 00:44:23,950
Now, wait a second. . .

801
00:44:24,118 --> 00:44:25,577
Hit him.

802
00:44:28,289 --> 00:44:29,706
That's it.

803
00:44:30,375 --> 00:44:33,251
I got him, I got him, I got him.
He's mine, mine, mine.

804
00:44:37,131 --> 00:44:39,925
Over here, back, back, back.
Come on, get it.

805
00:44:40,718 --> 00:44:42,511
-Clear the crease.
-Hit him.

806
00:44:42,595 --> 00:44:43,845
Yeah.

807
00:44:45,723 --> 00:44:48,308
Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go.

808
00:44:48,476 --> 00:44:51,603
-Bring it up, bring it up, bring it up.
-To the left, to the left.

809
00:44:53,272 --> 00:44:54,564
Hit him.

810
00:44:56,734 --> 00:44:59,403
Get him. All right, here we go,
I got, I got it. I'm here.

811
00:44:59,487 --> 00:45:01,530
-When's this period over?
-Eight more minutes.

812
00:45:01,614 --> 00:45:03,615
Are you shitting me?
I wanna get cigarettes.

813
00:45:03,700 --> 00:45:05,492
If you can just wait
a few minutes, okay?

814
00:45:05,576 --> 00:45:07,869
Fuck that. I'm gonna break
my neck on this ladder.

815
00:45:07,954 --> 00:45:10,831
Now lose the skates, Dorothy Hamill,
and open the fucking store.

816
00:45:10,915 --> 00:45:12,624
-Dante, where are you?
-He's busy.

817
00:45:12,709 --> 00:45:14,835
-In a second.
-Fuck in a second.

818
00:45:14,919 --> 00:45:18,130
-Look at you, you can't even pass.
-I can pass.

819
00:45:18,214 --> 00:45:20,382
How about covering the point?
Man, you suck.

820
00:45:20,466 --> 00:45:23,927
-Who are you to make assessments?
-Hey, I'll assess all I want, pal.

821
00:45:24,011 --> 00:45:27,055
-Hey, Dante, you in or out?
-Don't pass to this guy. He sucks.

822
00:45:27,140 --> 00:45:28,807
-You suck.
-Like you're better.

823
00:45:28,891 --> 00:45:31,685
-I'll whip your ass any day, pal.
-That's easy to say from over here.

824
00:45:31,769 --> 00:45:33,395
Give me a stick.

825
00:45:33,479 --> 00:45:36,106
I'll knock your fucking teeth out
and pass all over your ass.

826
00:45:36,190 --> 00:45:38,859
-Hey, are you open?
-Yeah, are you open?

827
00:45:38,943 --> 00:45:40,193
-No.
-No.

828
00:45:41,988 --> 00:45:44,865
There's a stick over there.
You're shooting up against this goal.

829
00:45:44,949 --> 00:45:47,200
Hey, Redding, come off.
Let this fuck on.

830
00:45:47,285 --> 00:45:48,785
Face-off, right here.

831
00:46:00,131 --> 00:46:01,590
Oh, man. Nice hit.

832
00:46:01,674 --> 00:46:04,384
Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go.
Come on, come on, get it.

833
00:46:04,469 --> 00:46:07,179
Come on, come on.
Get him, get him, get him.

834
00:46:20,401 --> 00:46:22,235
Give me another ball.

835
00:46:22,695 --> 00:46:24,070
There are no more.

836
00:46:24,155 --> 00:46:26,281
The fuck you talking about?
How many balls you bring?

837
00:46:26,365 --> 00:46:29,701
I brought the orange one
and the orange one.

838
00:46:30,578 --> 00:46:32,078
Hey, any balls down there?

839
00:46:32,163 --> 00:46:35,540
About the biggest pair
you've ever seen, dingleberry.

840
00:46:36,751 --> 00:46:39,711
-You only brought one ball?
-I thought Redding brought all the balls.

841
00:46:39,796 --> 00:46:41,129
Dante had the balls.

842
00:46:41,214 --> 00:46:43,548
-Nobody has another ball?
-Shit.

843
00:46:44,300 --> 00:46:47,803
We get, what, 1 2 minutes of a game
and then it's over?

844
00:46:47,887 --> 00:46:50,514
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!

845
00:46:50,598 --> 00:46:53,225
I'm not even supposed
to be here today.

846
00:46:54,727 --> 00:46:57,187
I still get free Gatorade, right?

847
00:47:08,449 --> 00:47:11,076
-Be careful.
-I'm trying.

848
00:47:11,661 --> 00:47:15,247
You know, the insides of those
has got stuff that can give you cancer.

849
00:47:15,373 --> 00:47:17,457
-So I'm told.
-Yeah.

850
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:20,585
I had a friend that chewed glass
for a living.

851
00:47:20,711 --> 00:47:21,920
At the circus.

852
00:47:22,004 --> 00:47:24,297
And he got cancer
from chewing fluorescent-bulb glass?

853
00:47:24,382 --> 00:47:26,550
No, got hit by a bus.

854
00:47:28,135 --> 00:47:29,386
Can I help you?

855
00:47:31,264 --> 00:47:33,515
Well, that depends.

856
00:47:33,599 --> 00:47:35,934
You got maybe a toilet in here?

857
00:47:36,310 --> 00:47:38,019
Yeah, but it's for employees only.

858
00:47:38,104 --> 00:47:42,357
I understand, but I thought maybe
you would let me use it anyway.

859
00:47:42,775 --> 00:47:43,900
I'm not so young anymore.

860
00:47:43,985 --> 00:47:46,862
I am, how do you say,
a little incontinent.

861
00:47:46,946 --> 00:47:48,697
Sure, in the back. Through the cooler.

862
00:47:48,781 --> 00:47:50,615
Thank you, sonny boy.

863
00:48:01,252 --> 00:48:04,796
Say, what kind of toilet paper
you got back there?

864
00:48:05,298 --> 00:48:07,883
-The white kind.
-I didn't ask about the color.

865
00:48:07,967 --> 00:48:11,261
I mean is it rough or is it cottony?

866
00:48:12,096 --> 00:48:14,931
-Actually, it's kind of rough.
-Oh, boy.

867
00:48:15,016 --> 00:48:18,226
It's gonna knock the hell
out of my hemorrhoids.

868
00:48:18,311 --> 00:48:21,563
I thought maybe you could let me have
a roll of the soft stuff.

869
00:48:21,647 --> 00:48:24,190
I see you sell the soft stuff back there.

870
00:48:24,275 --> 00:48:27,152
-Yeah, but. . .
-Come on, what's the difference?

871
00:48:27,236 --> 00:48:30,614
You said yourself
you have the rough stuff in the back.

872
00:48:30,698 --> 00:48:32,240
Yeah, sure. Go ahead.

873
00:48:32,325 --> 00:48:35,035
Thank you, sonny boy.
You're a lifesaver.

874
00:48:44,128 --> 00:48:46,087
Say, young fella,
I hate to bother you again,

875
00:48:46,172 --> 00:48:49,633
but maybe I could have
something in the back there.

876
00:48:49,717 --> 00:48:52,010
To read? A paper or something.

877
00:48:52,303 --> 00:48:53,845
Sometimes it takes me a while,

878
00:48:53,930 --> 00:48:57,349
and I like to have something to read
while it's going on.

879
00:48:58,184 --> 00:48:59,684
Yeah, sure. Go ahead.

880
00:48:59,810 --> 00:49:01,811
One of the magazines
you got in the back over there.

881
00:49:01,896 --> 00:49:02,979
Behind the counter.

882
00:49:03,064 --> 00:49:05,398
-The porno mags?
-Yeah.

883
00:49:06,275 --> 00:49:08,276
I like the cartoons.
They make me laugh.

884
00:49:08,361 --> 00:49:12,113
They draw some of the biggest titties
you ever saw.

885
00:49:12,198 --> 00:49:15,200
No, not this one. Maybe the one
you got underneath this one.

886
00:49:15,284 --> 00:49:17,369
They got bigger titties in there.

887
00:49:17,453 --> 00:49:18,954
Here. Now leave me alone.

888
00:49:19,038 --> 00:49:21,706
Thank you, sonny boy. I appreciate it.

889
00:49:26,045 --> 00:49:28,672
-Hell of a game.
-One ball.

890
00:49:28,756 --> 00:49:29,798
I close the store.

891
00:49:29,882 --> 00:49:31,841
They come all the way here
for one ball.

892
00:49:31,926 --> 00:49:33,969
Hockey's hockey.
At least we got to play.

893
00:49:34,053 --> 00:49:37,013
Twelve minutes is not a game.
Jesus, it's hardly even a warm up.

894
00:49:37,098 --> 00:49:39,307
Bitch, bitch, bitch.
You want something to drink?

895
00:49:39,392 --> 00:49:40,892
Yeah, Gatorade.

896
00:49:42,061 --> 00:49:43,728
Hey, what happened
to all the Gatorade?

897
00:49:43,813 --> 00:49:46,147
Exactly. They drank it all.

898
00:49:47,692 --> 00:49:50,610
-You know what Sanford told me?
-I can't believe Caitlin's getting married.

899
00:49:50,695 --> 00:49:52,320
-Julie Dwyer died.
-Yeah, right.

900
00:49:52,405 --> 00:49:54,781
-No, I'm serious.
-Oh, my God.

901
00:49:54,865 --> 00:49:57,450
Sanford's brother dates her cousin.
He found out this morning.

902
00:49:57,535 --> 00:49:59,703
-How, when?
-Embolism in her brain, yesterday.

903
00:49:59,787 --> 00:50:00,829
Jesus.

904
00:50:00,913 --> 00:50:04,457
She was swimming when it happened.
She died in mid-backstroke.

905
00:50:04,542 --> 00:50:07,168
I haven't seen her in, like, two years.

906
00:50:07,253 --> 00:50:10,046
Correct me if I'm wrong,
but wasn't she one of the illustrious 1 2?

907
00:50:10,131 --> 00:50:13,675
-Yeah, number six.
-You've had sex with a dead person.

908
00:50:13,759 --> 00:50:15,719
-I'm gonna go to her wake.
-No, you're not.

909
00:50:15,803 --> 00:50:17,137
-Why not?
-It's today.

910
00:50:17,221 --> 00:50:18,680
-What?
-Paulson's Funeral Parlor.

911
00:50:18,764 --> 00:50:21,182
-The next show is at 4:00.
-Shit, what about tomorrow?

912
00:50:21,267 --> 00:50:23,309
One night only.
She's buried in the morning.

913
00:50:23,394 --> 00:50:25,520
-Watch the store, I gotta go.
-Wait, wait, wait.

914
00:50:25,604 --> 00:50:27,939
Has it ever occurred to you
that I might be bereaved as well?

915
00:50:28,065 --> 00:50:29,190
You hardly knew her.

916
00:50:29,275 --> 00:50:31,609
True, but do you know
how many people are gonna be there?

917
00:50:31,694 --> 00:50:34,654
-All of our old classmates.
-Stop it, this is beneath even you.

918
00:50:34,739 --> 00:50:36,197
I'm not gonna miss
what's probably gonna be

919
00:50:36,282 --> 00:50:37,991
the social event of the season.

920
00:50:38,075 --> 00:50:40,160
-You hate people.
-But I love gatherings.

921
00:50:40,244 --> 00:50:42,537
-Isn't it ironic?
-Stop it. Stop being an asshole.

922
00:50:42,621 --> 00:50:44,998
-Someone's gotta watch the store.
-If you go, I go.

923
00:50:45,082 --> 00:50:46,374
She meant nothing to you.

924
00:50:46,459 --> 00:50:48,752
She meant nothing to you neither
until I told you she died.

925
00:50:48,836 --> 00:50:50,795
-I'm not taking you.
-I'm going with you.

926
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:52,047
I can't close the store.

927
00:50:52,131 --> 00:50:54,340
You just closed the store
to play hockey on the roof.

928
00:50:54,508 --> 00:50:56,551
Exactly, which means
I can't close it for another hour

929
00:50:56,635 --> 00:50:58,470
so we can both go to a wake.

930
00:50:59,263 --> 00:51:00,722
You were saying?

931
00:51:00,806 --> 00:51:02,599
Thanks for putting me
in such a tough spot.

932
00:51:02,683 --> 00:51:04,517
You're a good friend.

933
00:51:06,145 --> 00:51:09,606
-She was pretty young, huh?
-Twenty-two, just like us.

934
00:51:09,940 --> 00:51:13,443
-Embolism in a pool.
-What an embarrassing way to die.

935
00:51:13,569 --> 00:51:15,862
That's nothing compared
to how my cousin Walter died.

936
00:51:15,988 --> 00:51:18,740
-How did he die?
-He broke his neck.

937
00:51:18,824 --> 00:51:20,241
That's embarrassing?

938
00:51:20,326 --> 00:51:22,994
He broke his neck
trying to suck his own dick.

939
00:51:23,079 --> 00:51:25,246
-Shut the hell up.
-I swear.

940
00:51:25,331 --> 00:51:27,248
-Stop it.
-Bible truth.

941
00:51:27,333 --> 00:51:28,750
Oh, my God.

942
00:51:28,834 --> 00:51:31,586
Come on, haven't you ever tried
to suck your own dick?

943
00:51:31,670 --> 00:51:33,213
-No.
-Yeah, right.

944
00:51:33,297 --> 00:51:34,589
You're so repressed.

945
00:51:34,673 --> 00:51:36,299
Because I never tried
to suck my own dick?

946
00:51:36,383 --> 00:51:37,759
No, because you won't admit to it.

947
00:51:37,843 --> 00:51:41,262
As if a guy's a fucking pervert because
he tries to get down on himself.

948
00:51:41,347 --> 00:51:44,265
You're as curious as the rest of us, pal.
You've tried it.

949
00:51:44,350 --> 00:51:45,725
Who found him?

950
00:51:45,810 --> 00:51:47,268
My cousin? My aunt found him.

951
00:51:47,353 --> 00:51:49,062
It was a mess. He was on his bed.

952
00:51:49,230 --> 00:51:52,440
His legs doubled over on himself.
Mom freaked out.

953
00:51:55,820 --> 00:51:58,613
-He made it, huh? A dick in his mouth.
-Yeah.

954
00:51:59,698 --> 00:52:01,741
Balls resting on his lips.

955
00:52:02,284 --> 00:52:05,411
-Wow, he really made it.
-Yeah, but at what a price.

956
00:52:08,707 --> 00:52:11,126
-I could never reach.
-Reach what?

957
00:52:11,710 --> 00:52:14,087
-You know.
-What, your dick?

958
00:52:14,171 --> 00:52:16,172
Yeah, like you said,
I guess everybody gets curious

959
00:52:16,257 --> 00:52:18,216
and tries it sometime.

960
00:52:18,300 --> 00:52:19,926
I never tried it.

961
00:52:22,388 --> 00:52:24,264
Fucking pervert.

962
00:52:43,492 --> 00:52:45,368
I knew this was a bad idea
to close the store.

963
00:52:45,452 --> 00:52:47,412
-Listen to you.
-I can't help it.

964
00:52:47,496 --> 00:52:50,623
At least when we were on the roof,
I could see if anybody wanted to go in.

965
00:52:50,708 --> 00:52:53,042
Nobody's there. It's 4:00 on a Saturday.

966
00:52:53,127 --> 00:52:55,545
How many people ever come
to the store at 4:00 on a Saturday?

967
00:52:57,047 --> 00:53:02,260
Let us in.

968
00:53:10,843 --> 00:53:12,395
You know what I can't wait to get a hold of?

969
00:53:12,495 --> 00:53:14,394
Those death cards they give out
at these things! D' jever see them?

970
00:53:14,399 --> 00:53:16,838
Would you lower your voice?
People are in mourning here.

971
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:18,634
Holy shit! There they are! C'mon!

972
00:53:18,786 --> 00:53:21,403
Fine. Just whatever you do,
don't embarrass me!

973
00:53:21,559 --> 00:53:24,752
If you're not already embarrassed
by your own sad fucking existence, then...

974
00:53:24,812 --> 00:53:28,558
...I assure you nothing I can ever do
or say is going to make you blush.

975
00:53:28,712 --> 00:53:31,443
See? These are those death cards
I was talking about!

976
00:53:31,799 --> 00:53:33,449
On the front, there's a picture of Jesus,...

977
00:53:33,549 --> 00:53:34,599
...or Mary and Jesus,...

978
00:53:34,699 --> 00:53:35,899
...or Lazarus and Jesus,...

979
00:53:35,999 --> 00:53:37,199
...or some angels and Jesus,...

980
00:53:37,299 --> 00:53:39,383
...and a significant quote about being dead.

981
00:53:39,499 --> 00:53:42,249
And on the back, you got your stats,
and a bonus prayer...

982
00:53:42,349 --> 00:53:44,531
In this case, the "Acts of Contrition."

983
00:53:44,557 --> 00:53:46,384
I'm telling you, they're sweet!

984
00:53:46,399 --> 00:53:48,199
I got a few from some of
my relatives' funerals,...

985
00:53:48,299 --> 00:53:49,724
...but they were all older than hell!

986
00:53:49,824 --> 00:53:52,154
Julie's is what I like to call
a "Rookie Card."

987
00:53:52,449 --> 00:53:56,803
Got it. Got it. Need it. Got it.
This doesn't look like her.

988
00:53:56,924 --> 00:53:58,690
You sicken me sometimes.

989
00:53:59,055 --> 00:54:00,641
- Dante!
- Alyssa!

990
00:54:00,842 --> 00:54:02,981
Oh, my God...
How're you doing?

991
00:54:03,228 --> 00:54:06,320
I haven't seen you in...
Jeez, I don't know how long.

992
00:54:06,394 --> 00:54:09,355
- I hear you moved up to the city.
- I did. A few months ago.

993
00:54:09,468 --> 00:54:12,690
It's good to see you.
I just wish it wasn't...

994
00:54:12,691 --> 00:54:15,091
...Here. I know.
Oh, Dante.

995
00:54:15,105 --> 00:54:16,827
Why do you smell like shoe polish?

996
00:54:16,923 --> 00:54:19,637
Long story.
When did you find out about Julie?

997
00:54:19,690 --> 00:54:22,090
Last night. I was coming down
to see her on that...

998
00:54:22,090 --> 00:54:24,650
...stupid game show they did
at Eden Prairie yesterday.

999
00:54:24,858 --> 00:54:26,163
She was supposed to be on that?

1000
00:54:26,263 --> 00:54:27,799
She was so exited about it.

1001
00:54:27,874 --> 00:54:30,690
But then she ran into that kid T.S.
Quint thursday night...

1002
00:54:30,750 --> 00:54:32,413
The one who hangs out with
that Brodie guy?

1003
00:54:32,676 --> 00:54:33,876
Anyway, the way I hear it,...

1004
00:54:33,876 --> 00:54:36,763
...he told her that the camera
adds ten pounds when you're on TV.

1005
00:54:36,883 --> 00:54:38,683
So Julie heads down to the YMCA...

1006
00:54:38,683 --> 00:54:41,031
... and starts doing all these laps
to tone up for the show.

1007
00:54:41,412 --> 00:54:43,696
That's when she...
When she...

1008
00:54:44,317 --> 00:54:46,440
Man, I still can't believe she's gone.

1009
00:54:46,721 --> 00:54:50,527
I know... Neither can I.
I just found out this afternoon.

1010
00:54:50,599 --> 00:54:52,650
I was working, but I still had to come.

1011
00:54:52,770 --> 00:54:55,495
Got it. Got it. Need it. Got it.

1012
00:54:55,655 --> 00:54:58,159
I've no idea there is so many
death people in the world.

1013
00:54:58,224 --> 00:54:59,690
Why'd you bring him?

1014
00:54:59,850 --> 00:55:01,999
You know him...
He insisted on coming.

1015
00:55:02,099 --> 00:55:03,344
He said he didn't want to miss...

1016
00:55:03,344 --> 00:55:06,015
...what was probably going to be
the "Social Event of the Season."

1017
00:55:06,114 --> 00:55:07,447
God, I hate him.

1018
00:55:07,528 --> 00:55:09,030
So do I, sometimes.

1019
00:55:09,224 --> 00:55:10,549
This is so weird.

1020
00:55:10,649 --> 00:55:12,349
I haven't seen Julie in almost two years,...

1021
00:55:12,349 --> 00:55:14,857
...and then I find out
less than an hour ago that she's dead.

1022
00:55:15,049 --> 00:55:16,099
I'm still reeling.

1023
00:55:16,199 --> 00:55:18,199
You know she was talking
about you last week.

1024
00:55:18,274 --> 00:55:19,499
- Really.
- I swear.

1025
00:55:19,590 --> 00:55:21,399
She said you must feel
like an asshole now...

1026
00:55:21,399 --> 00:55:23,091
...that Caitlin's going to
marry some other guy.

1027
00:55:23,181 --> 00:55:24,799
How'd she know
Caitlin was getting married?

1028
00:55:24,799 --> 00:55:25,700
Caitlin told her.

1029
00:55:25,799 --> 00:55:27,999
- Caitlin told her?!
- Caitlin's told everyone.

1030
00:55:28,099 --> 00:55:31,198
She called me two weeks ago to tell me.
I'm surprised she's not here today.

1031
00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:32,699
I don't think she knows yet.

1032
00:55:32,749 --> 00:55:34,485
At least I'm not the only one in the dark.

1033
00:55:34,638 --> 00:55:35,999
Wait a second...
You mean Caitlin...

1034
00:55:35,999 --> 00:55:37,713
...hasn't told you
she's engaged?

1035
00:55:37,874 --> 00:55:39,599
No. And we've been talking
on the phone...

1036
00:55:39,599 --> 00:55:40,875
...a lot lately, to boot.

1037
00:55:40,965 --> 00:55:45,287
- Goddamn Caitlin and her secrets...
- Oh, Dante... You just have no idea.

1038
00:55:45,409 --> 00:55:49,366
- Who's this guy she's engaged to?
- Sang? Oh, he's an agent design major.

1039
00:55:49,454 --> 00:55:51,737
He's a nice guy, as far as guys go.

1040
00:55:51,828 --> 00:55:54,034
- You met him already?
- Yeah, once or twice.

1041
00:55:54,135 --> 00:55:56,881
He's not really my type.
But then, none of them are.

1042
00:55:57,005 --> 00:56:00,505
Man, I'm starving! Don't they
usually have food at these things?

1043
00:56:00,505 --> 00:56:01,815
Where're the sandwiches at?

1044
00:56:01,936 --> 00:56:03,580
Hey, finger-cuffs!

1045
00:56:04,971 --> 00:56:06,380
Go to hell, Graves!

1046
00:56:07,171 --> 00:56:11,019
- Some people are so fucking touchy.
- C'mon. Let's get in line.

1047
00:56:11,689 --> 00:56:13,773
When we get up there,
I'm going right to the coffin.

1048
00:56:14,062 --> 00:56:16,766
You're supposed to express regret
to the family first.

1049
00:56:16,846 --> 00:56:19,331
Yeah, well, I don't think
her parents need to see me right now.

1050
00:56:19,391 --> 00:56:20,593
What are you talking about?

1051
00:56:20,693 --> 00:56:22,685
They caught Julie and I together once.

1052
00:56:22,986 --> 00:56:25,199
- Get out of here!
- Lower your voice.

1053
00:56:25,290 --> 00:56:27,374
- They caught you fucking Julie?
- Worse.

1054
00:56:27,474 --> 00:56:28,549
Worse than fucking?!

1055
00:56:28,649 --> 00:56:31,274
Something no parents want to see
their child engaged in.

1056
00:56:31,374 --> 00:56:33,449
- Butt-fucking?!
- Would you please shut-up?!

1057
00:56:33,549 --> 00:56:36,499
God, look where your mind is!
It must be frightening to have your libido!

1058
00:56:36,543 --> 00:56:38,206
Terrifying,
so what happened?

1059
00:56:38,249 --> 00:56:41,637
We were watching TV in her living room
and things started goin' on...

1060
00:56:41,697 --> 00:56:43,401
With her parents right there?!

1061
00:56:43,441 --> 00:56:45,485
- No, idiot... They weren't home.
- Oh.

1062
00:56:45,548 --> 00:56:48,148
So, we're going at it,
and it's a living room sitiation,...

1063
00:56:48,148 --> 00:56:50,000
...so the pants don't come off,
per se...

1064
00:56:50,099 --> 00:56:52,199
You're talking,
Jeans and panties off one leg, right?

1065
00:56:52,299 --> 00:56:54,504
- One shoe on...
- Ah, one shoe on...

1066
00:56:54,605 --> 00:56:57,657
...the parents'-house-daughter-banger's
false sense of security.

1067
00:56:58,061 --> 00:57:01,199
So, I start sliding down,
work the nipples a little bit,...

1068
00:57:01,267 --> 00:57:04,644
...kiss the belly some, then head south.

1069
00:57:04,724 --> 00:57:06,146
You ladykiller.

1070
00:57:06,228 --> 00:57:09,890
And I'm eating her out, and she's got
her legs wrapped around my head,...

1071
00:57:09,991 --> 00:57:11,658
...grinding into my face...

1072
00:57:12,078 --> 00:57:14,883
- You're makin' me hard, here.
- And then, out of nowhere...

1073
00:57:14,924 --> 00:57:16,888
You prematurely ejaculated
during the intercourse?

1074
00:57:17,008 --> 00:57:19,408
... In walk her parents,
carrying a couple of videos...

1075
00:57:19,408 --> 00:57:21,116
...they had just rented across the street.

1076
00:57:21,295 --> 00:57:24,641
- Jesus! What happened?
- Julie jumps up and says...

1077
00:57:24,722 --> 00:57:27,286
... "Mom, dad...
This is Mrs. Hicks' son, Dante."

1078
00:57:27,386 --> 00:57:29,497
- They knew your mother?!
- From church.

1079
00:57:29,524 --> 00:57:30,900
- No way!
- Swear to god.

1080
00:57:31,020 --> 00:57:32,095
That's classic!

1081
00:57:32,149 --> 00:57:35,457
Her parents dropped out of the Parrish,
and Julie got grounded for two months.

1082
00:57:35,518 --> 00:57:36,999
And you haven't seen her parents since?

1083
00:57:36,999 --> 00:57:38,896
No, and I'd prefer to keep it that away.

1084
00:57:39,018 --> 00:57:40,098
So, you greet the parents,...

1085
00:57:40,098 --> 00:57:41,306
...and I'll go straight to the coffin.

1086
00:57:41,506 --> 00:57:42,353
Gotcha.

1087
00:57:42,792 --> 00:57:45,347
Mr. and Mrs. Dwyer...I'm really sorry.

1088
00:57:45,448 --> 00:57:48,163
I wen't to high school with Julie.
She was...

1089
00:57:48,359 --> 00:57:52,049
- Well, she was special.
- Thank you. What's your name, son?

1090
00:57:52,149 --> 00:57:53,686
I'm Randal Graves.

1091
00:57:53,787 --> 00:57:56,199
And this is Mrs. Hicks' son...
Dante.

1092
00:57:59,921 --> 00:58:01,412
Let's check out the stiff.

1093
00:58:03,404 --> 00:58:05,069
Interesting look.

1094
00:58:05,069 --> 00:58:06,770
I can't believe
they would want her laid out like this!

1095
00:58:06,861 --> 00:58:08,829
I always imagined Julie
having an "Outtie."

1096
00:58:08,829 --> 00:58:10,586
A tube-top?!?
What were they thinking?!

1097
00:58:10,676 --> 00:58:13,202
I believe they're referred to as
"Belly Blouses" these days.

1098
00:58:13,415 --> 00:58:15,255
I don't understand.
Do you think this is...

1099
00:58:15,255 --> 00:58:17,556
...some sort of request she made
while she was still alive?

1100
00:58:17,677 --> 00:58:19,320
Maybe after a fifth of scotch.

1101
00:58:19,574 --> 00:58:22,192
If anyone ever asks,
I want to be laid out in a suit.

1102
00:58:22,292 --> 00:58:26,131
If anyone ever asks me, I'll tell
you wanted to be laid out in a belly button.

1103
00:58:26,970 --> 00:58:28,836
I don't like this part.
Can't we just mingle?

1104
00:58:28,988 --> 00:58:31,978
She was really pretty.
I wish spent more time with her.

1105
00:58:32,070 --> 00:58:35,551
Why'd you want to spend more time
with someone who has an ass that fat?

1106
00:58:35,703 --> 00:58:38,009
She'd get a double wide coffin.

1107
00:58:38,706 --> 00:58:41,836
- This chick really has the fattest ass.
- Would you shut-up?!

1108
00:58:42,292 --> 00:58:44,707
This is creepy, man.
I'm pretty uncomfortable.

1109
00:58:44,707 --> 00:58:46,608
What exactly are we supposed
to be doing up here?

1110
00:58:46,759 --> 00:58:48,599
Praying.
For the purpose of the soul.

1111
00:58:48,673 --> 00:58:50,739
Jesus.
I think I just saw her chest move.

1112
00:58:51,286 --> 00:58:54,451
It's so weird.
I was intimate with this girl.

1113
00:58:54,518 --> 00:58:57,058
- There's lint in her belly button.
- Leave it alone.

1114
00:58:57,120 --> 00:59:01,010
That's a helluva way to go to your grave...
With lint sticking out of your belly button.

1115
00:59:01,105 --> 00:59:02,655
Why do you think
no one's pulled it out yet?

1116
00:59:02,655 --> 00:59:04,126
Because it's not that noticeable.

1117
00:59:04,166 --> 00:59:06,386
Bullshit! It's like a fucking fern!

1118
00:59:06,526 --> 00:59:09,966
Could you be quiet for just two minutes
so I can get a little prayer going here?!

1119
00:59:11,606 --> 00:59:12,546
I'm bored.

1120
00:59:12,646 --> 00:59:15,226
Jesus. Would you go wait in the hallway.
I'll be there in a minute.

1121
00:59:15,326 --> 00:59:18,846
I'll fuck that. Give me the keys, so I can
go to the car and listen to the radio.

1122
00:59:18,866 --> 00:59:21,886
You're the king of pains in the asses.
Here.

1123
00:59:38,182 --> 00:59:40,246
Holy shit!

1124
00:59:40,326 --> 00:59:43,666
What are the chances? I bet
you couldn't do that again if you tried.

1125
00:59:43,806 --> 00:59:46,586
- You couldn't catch the keys?!
- You couldn't just hand them to me?!

1126
00:59:46,706 --> 00:59:47,904
Oh, God...

1127
00:59:48,005 --> 00:59:50,346
They're down there, man.
I can't even see them.

1128
00:59:50,506 --> 00:59:52,129
What the fuck am I supposed to do now?!?

1129
00:59:52,130 --> 00:59:54,626
Those are the car keys and the store keys!

1130
00:59:54,706 --> 00:59:56,046
Just go and get the undertaker.

1131
00:59:56,121 --> 00:59:59,781
And cause even more of a scene?!?
Screw that! You reach in there and get them!

1132
00:59:59,909 --> 01:00:03,049
Fuck you...
I'm not reaching into that terminal vagina!

1133
01:00:03,249 --> 01:00:05,129
Fine. Then stand behind me.
I'll get them.

1134
01:00:05,209 --> 01:00:07,349
And why exactly am I
standing behind you?

1135
01:00:07,418 --> 01:00:10,638
To block the view of the crowd, idiot.
We don't want them to see this.

1136
01:00:10,718 --> 01:00:13,578
Should I rub your shoulders
to make it look like you're upset?

1137
01:00:13,698 --> 01:00:15,058
Yeah. That's good.
Do that!

1138
01:00:15,418 --> 01:00:18,278
There, there, man.
Just let it all out.

1139
01:00:18,398 --> 01:00:21,518
Men can cry, too, sometimes,
it doesn't make you any less macho.

1140
01:00:21,918 --> 01:00:24,399
I'm just going to stand here
and massage your shoulders...

1141
01:00:24,399 --> 01:00:27,419
...to comfort you in this,
your hour of despair.

1142
01:00:27,718 --> 01:00:30,078
Oh, yeah. That's it.

1143
01:00:30,099 --> 01:00:33,422
Do what you feel
you must to relieve the pressure...

1144
01:00:33,682 --> 01:00:37,322
For it will relieve her pressure, too,
as she prepares to enter paradise.

1145
01:00:37,642 --> 01:00:39,762
and be with the Baby Jesus.

1146
01:00:39,962 --> 01:00:42,202
All right!
What the hell's going on here!

1147
01:00:42,302 --> 01:00:44,642
- You feel anything?
- I think I've almost got it...

1148
01:00:44,782 --> 01:00:45,682
Get outta my way!

1149
01:00:47,422 --> 01:00:49,522
I... Uh...
That is, she... Um...

1150
01:00:50,682 --> 01:00:51,499
I can explain.

1151
01:00:51,549 --> 01:00:53,312
Even in death, you can't leave
my poor Julie alone!

1152
01:00:53,412 --> 01:00:54,402
I'll fucking kill you!!!

1153
01:00:54,472 --> 01:00:56,454
You sick, sick perverts!

1154
01:00:56,614 --> 01:01:00,214
Listen lady... We're not the ones
who dressed our dead daughter in a tube-top!

1155
01:01:08,180 --> 01:01:09,760
Julie!

1156
01:01:25,121 --> 01:01:28,123
-I can't fucking believe you.
-I'm telling you, it wasn't my fault.

1157
01:01:28,207 --> 01:01:30,166
You knocked the casket over,
for Christ's sake.

1158
01:01:30,251 --> 01:01:32,085
I was just leaning on it.
It was an accident.

1159
01:01:32,169 --> 01:01:34,170
Like someone knocks a casket over
on purpose?

1160
01:01:34,255 --> 01:01:36,089
So the casket fell over. Big deal.

1161
01:01:36,173 --> 01:01:38,675
-Her fucking body fell out.
-So they'll put her back in it.

1162
01:01:38,801 --> 01:01:40,969
It's not like it matters
if she breaks something.

1163
01:01:41,053 --> 01:01:43,179
Just go. Just go open the video store.

1164
01:01:43,264 --> 01:01:46,766
-Yeah, open the video store.
-Shut the fuck up, junkie.

1165
01:01:49,145 --> 01:01:52,939
-Just go open the video store.
-Yeah, you cock-smoking clerk.

1166
01:01:53,023 --> 01:01:56,151
And how many times have I told you
not to be dealing in front of the store?

1167
01:01:56,235 --> 01:01:57,986
I'm not dealing, man.
What are you talking about?

1168
01:01:58,070 --> 01:02:00,155
-You got anything, man?
-Yeah, man, what you want?

1169
01:02:03,284 --> 01:02:06,077
-Hey, let me borrow your car.
-I don't wanna talk to you.

1170
01:02:06,162 --> 01:02:07,745
Fine. Just let me borrow your car.

1171
01:02:07,830 --> 01:02:11,082
-Why should I loan you my car?
-I wanna rent a movie.

1172
01:02:11,167 --> 01:02:13,501
-You wanna rent a movie.
-I wanna rent a movie.

1173
01:02:13,586 --> 01:02:16,045
-What's that for?
-You work in a video store.

1174
01:02:16,130 --> 01:02:18,047
I work in a shitty video store.

1175
01:02:18,132 --> 01:02:21,843
I wanna go to a good video store
so I can get a good movie.

1176
01:02:23,679 --> 01:02:25,847
And a pack of cigarettes.

1177
01:02:25,931 --> 01:02:27,515
Cute cat. What is its name?

1178
01:02:27,600 --> 01:02:30,476
-Annoying Customer.
-Fucking dickhead.

1179
01:02:33,564 --> 01:02:36,274
Can you imagine being halfway decent
to the customers sometimes?

1180
01:02:36,358 --> 01:02:37,483
Let me borrow your car.

1181
01:02:37,568 --> 01:02:39,527
-May I be blunt with you?
-If you must.

1182
01:02:39,612 --> 01:02:41,738
We are employees
of the Quick Stop Convenience

1183
01:02:41,864 --> 01:02:43,448
and RST Video, respectively.

1184
01:02:43,532 --> 01:02:45,617
As such, we have certain obligations.

1185
01:02:45,701 --> 01:02:47,327
Though they may seem
cruel and unusual,

1186
01:02:47,411 --> 01:02:49,245
does mean manning the store
until closing.

1187
01:02:49,330 --> 01:02:51,456
I see, so playing hockey
and attending wakes,

1188
01:02:51,540 --> 01:02:53,583
these practices
are standard operating procedure?

1189
01:02:53,667 --> 01:02:55,460
There's a difference.
Those were obligations.

1190
01:02:55,544 --> 01:02:58,004
Obligations that couldn't have been met
at any other date.

1191
01:02:58,088 --> 01:02:59,547
Now, renting videos,
that's just gratuitous,

1192
01:02:59,632 --> 01:03:02,842
not to mention illogical,
being that you work at a video store.

1193
01:03:02,927 --> 01:03:04,677
-Are you open?
-Yes.

1194
01:03:04,762 --> 01:03:06,930
Know what?
I don't think I care for your rationale.

1195
01:03:07,014 --> 01:03:09,641
Well, it's gonna have to do,
being that it's my car up for request.

1196
01:03:09,725 --> 01:03:12,060
-Can I help you?
-A pack of cigarettes.

1197
01:03:12,144 --> 01:03:13,353
So, what's your point?

1198
01:03:13,437 --> 01:03:15,980
My point is you're a clerk,
paid to do a job.

1199
01:03:16,065 --> 01:03:19,025
You can't just do anything you want
while you're working.

1200
01:03:19,109 --> 01:03:23,821
"Space alien revealed
as head of Time Warner.

1201
01:03:23,906 --> 01:03:25,907
"Reports stock increase."

1202
01:03:27,076 --> 01:03:29,410
They print any kind of shit
in these papers.

1203
01:03:29,495 --> 01:03:30,995
They certainly do, $3.

1204
01:03:31,080 --> 01:03:33,414
So your argument is
that title dictates behavior?

1205
01:03:33,499 --> 01:03:35,291
-What?
-You won't let me use your car

1206
01:03:35,376 --> 01:03:37,377
because I have a title
and a job description.

1207
01:03:37,461 --> 01:03:40,171
-I'm supposed to follow it, right?
-Exactly.

1208
01:03:40,256 --> 01:03:45,760
I saw one, one time that said
the next week the world is ending.

1209
01:03:45,844 --> 01:03:47,887
And then in the next week's paper,
they said,

1210
01:03:47,972 --> 01:03:51,140
"We were miraculously saved
at the zero hour

1211
01:03:51,225 --> 01:03:56,187
"by a koala-fish mutant bird."
Crazy shit.

1212
01:03:56,272 --> 01:03:58,982
So I'm no more responsible
for my decisions here than, say,

1213
01:03:59,108 --> 01:04:00,817
a death-squad soldier in Bosnia?

1214
01:04:00,901 --> 01:04:01,859
Now that's stretching it.

1215
01:04:01,944 --> 01:04:03,861
You're not being asked to slay children.

1216
01:04:03,946 --> 01:04:05,363
Yeah, not yet.

1217
01:04:05,447 --> 01:04:07,323
And I remember one time. . .

1218
01:04:08,951 --> 01:04:11,619
I'm gonna break your fucking head,
you fucking jerk-off.

1219
01:04:11,704 --> 01:04:13,037
I'm sorry, he meant to hit me.

1220
01:04:13,122 --> 01:04:14,372
-Well, he missed.
-Yeah, I know.

1221
01:04:14,456 --> 01:04:17,208
Let me refund your money
and we'll call it even, all right?

1222
01:04:17,293 --> 01:04:19,085
Yeah, I'll never come in here again.

1223
01:04:19,169 --> 01:04:23,131
And if I see you again, I'm gonna
break your fucking head open.

1224
01:04:27,261 --> 01:04:29,512
-What the fuck did you do that for?
-Two reasons,

1225
01:04:29,596 --> 01:04:31,347
one, I hate it
when the people can't shut up

1226
01:04:31,432 --> 01:04:33,224
about the stupid tabloid headlines.

1227
01:04:33,309 --> 01:04:35,268
-Oh, Jesus.
-And two, to prove a point.

1228
01:04:35,352 --> 01:04:37,603
-Title does not dictate behavior.
-What?

1229
01:04:37,688 --> 01:04:40,523
If title dictated my behavior,
as a clerk serving the public,

1230
01:04:40,607 --> 01:04:42,650
I wouldn't be allowed to spit water
at that guy.

1231
01:04:42,735 --> 01:04:46,195
But I did, so my point is
that people dictate their own behavior.

1232
01:04:46,280 --> 01:04:47,697
Even though I work in a video store,

1233
01:04:47,781 --> 01:04:49,741
I choose to go rent movies
at Big Choice.

1234
01:04:49,825 --> 01:04:51,242
Agreed?

1235
01:04:51,327 --> 01:04:53,369
You're a danger
to both the dead and the living.

1236
01:04:53,495 --> 01:04:55,580
I like to think
I'm a master of my own destiny.

1237
01:04:55,664 --> 01:04:58,958
-Please, get the hell out of here.
-I know I'm your hero.

1238
01:05:05,007 --> 01:05:07,175
Sounds to me like
somebody needs to hit the gym.

1239
01:05:07,259 --> 01:05:08,301
Excuse me?

1240
01:05:08,385 --> 01:05:11,596
I heard you strain when you picked up
that milk. Could only weigh 7 pounds.

1241
01:05:11,680 --> 01:05:13,097
I didn't strain, I sighed.

1242
01:05:13,182 --> 01:05:15,433
I don't think so. That was a grunt.

1243
01:05:15,517 --> 01:05:19,270
A deep inhalation of oxygen
to aid in the stretching of muscles.

1244
01:05:19,355 --> 01:05:20,688
I'm a trainer.

1245
01:05:20,773 --> 01:05:23,232
I know what that sound signifies.
You're out of shape.

1246
01:05:23,317 --> 01:05:25,651
What are you talking about?
There's no fat on my body.

1247
01:05:25,736 --> 01:05:28,946
No fat. No tone, either.
You don't get enough exercise.

1248
01:05:29,031 --> 01:05:30,531
-You open?
-Yes.

1249
01:05:31,825 --> 01:05:33,951
-Just the paper.
-Thirty-five.

1250
01:05:34,036 --> 01:05:37,705
Hey, let me ask you a question.
Do you think this guy's out of shape?

1251
01:05:37,790 --> 01:05:39,999
I don't know. I can't really tell from here.

1252
01:05:40,084 --> 01:05:42,126
-He is.
-I am not.

1253
01:05:42,920 --> 01:05:45,088
-How much can you bench?
-I don't know.

1254
01:05:45,172 --> 01:05:49,717
-I'd say about 60, 70, tops.
-Oh, I know I can bench more than that.

1255
01:05:49,802 --> 01:05:52,678
-Three-fifty, four.
-No way.

1256
01:05:52,763 --> 01:05:54,097
Feel that.

1257
01:05:54,890 --> 01:05:57,809
Hey, that's tight. Solid.

1258
01:05:57,893 --> 01:05:59,477
Now feel this.
Roll up your sleeve, chief.

1259
01:05:59,561 --> 01:06:01,229
Oh, for God's sakes.

1260
01:06:01,313 --> 01:06:02,480
See? You're ashamed.

1261
01:06:02,564 --> 01:06:05,900
You know you're out of shape.
Here, take my card.

1262
01:06:06,026 --> 01:06:08,653
I can get you on
an aerobics free-weights program.

1263
01:06:08,737 --> 01:06:10,321
-Are you open?
-Yes.

1264
01:06:10,406 --> 01:06:11,823
I'm not out of shape.

1265
01:06:11,907 --> 01:06:13,491
Excuse me,
have you been here all day?

1266
01:06:13,575 --> 01:06:16,536
-Yeah, since 6:00 this morning.
-He's got those love handles.

1267
01:06:16,620 --> 01:06:18,329
I don't have love handles.

1268
01:06:18,414 --> 01:06:21,040
-Were you working here about 4:00?
-Yes.

1269
01:06:21,125 --> 01:06:22,959
It's probably
from being around all this food.

1270
01:06:23,043 --> 01:06:24,043
Oh, I know.

1271
01:06:24,128 --> 01:06:27,672
If I had to work here all day,
I'd be bloated and out of shape too.

1272
01:06:27,756 --> 01:06:29,549
I'm not out of shape.

1273
01:06:29,633 --> 01:06:31,509
-Can I have your name please?
-Dante Hicks.

1274
01:06:31,593 --> 01:06:33,010
Why? What is this all about?

1275
01:06:33,095 --> 01:06:34,679
You're Dante Hicks?

1276
01:06:34,763 --> 01:06:37,098
Oh, my God.
I didn't even recognize you.

1277
01:06:37,182 --> 01:06:39,642
-Because he's out of shape.
-Do I know you?

1278
01:06:39,726 --> 01:06:42,395
Yeah, do you remember Alyssa Jones?
She used to hang out with. . .

1279
01:06:42,479 --> 01:06:44,272
-Caitlin Bree.
-I'm her sister.

1280
01:06:44,356 --> 01:06:46,315
-You're Alyssa's sister, Heather?
-Yes.

1281
01:06:46,400 --> 01:06:48,943
-Did you say Caitlin Bree?
-Yeah.

1282
01:06:49,778 --> 01:06:51,904
Pretty girl, little taller than her.

1283
01:06:51,989 --> 01:06:53,698
-Gorgeous body?
-Yeah.

1284
01:06:53,782 --> 01:06:55,032
And you're Dante Hicks?

1285
01:06:55,117 --> 01:06:57,285
You went to the same school.
You played hockey.

1286
01:06:57,369 --> 01:06:59,745
-Yeah, how did you know that?
-You still going out with her?

1287
01:06:59,830 --> 01:07:01,205
No, she's getting married.

1288
01:07:01,290 --> 01:07:04,041
-To you?
-No, to an Asian design major.

1289
01:07:04,126 --> 01:07:05,460
Oh, shit.

1290
01:07:06,336 --> 01:07:09,672
Don't take this the wrong way,
but I used to fuck her.

1291
01:07:09,756 --> 01:07:12,049
-What?
-Yeah, about two, three years ago.

1292
01:07:12,134 --> 01:07:14,886
While you two were dating,
I drove a black Trans Am.

1293
01:07:14,970 --> 01:07:17,096
-You're Rick Derris?
-Yeah.

1294
01:07:17,181 --> 01:07:19,098
-You know him?
-Yeah.

1295
01:07:19,183 --> 01:07:21,976
-Caitlin talked about him all the time.
-Really?

1296
01:07:22,060 --> 01:07:25,771
Wait a second. You used to fuck
Caitlin Bree while I was dating her?

1297
01:07:25,856 --> 01:07:28,524
Man, don't let it bother you.
That was a long time ago.

1298
01:07:28,609 --> 01:07:30,902
I'm surprised
you didn't know about it, Dante.

1299
01:07:30,986 --> 01:07:33,738
Everybody in school knew about it,
even in my class.

1300
01:07:33,822 --> 01:07:36,574
Jesus Christ, what next?

1301
01:07:36,658 --> 01:07:37,909
-Here you go.
-What's this?

1302
01:07:37,993 --> 01:07:39,744
-It's a fine for $500.
-What?

1303
01:07:39,828 --> 01:07:41,329
Five hundred bucks? For what?

1304
01:07:41,413 --> 01:07:46,417
For violation of New Jersey Statute
Section 2A, number 1 70/51 .

1305
01:07:46,502 --> 01:07:49,545
Any person who sells
or makes available tobacco

1306
01:07:49,630 --> 01:07:52,715
or tobacco-related products
to persons under the age of 1 8

1307
01:07:52,799 --> 01:07:54,091
is regarded as disorderly.

1308
01:07:54,176 --> 01:07:55,801
What are you talking about?

1309
01:07:55,886 --> 01:07:58,471
An angry mother called
the state division of taxation

1310
01:07:58,555 --> 01:08:00,515
and claimed
that a Quick Stop employee

1311
01:08:00,599 --> 01:08:03,684
sold her 4-year-old daughter
a pack of cigarettes at 4:00 today.

1312
01:08:03,810 --> 01:08:06,354
The New Jersey division of taxation
called the Board of Health

1313
01:08:06,438 --> 01:08:08,606
and sent me down to issue a fine.

1314
01:08:08,690 --> 01:08:10,483
You claimed
you were working here all day,

1315
01:08:10,567 --> 01:08:12,193
hence the fine is yours.

1316
01:08:12,277 --> 01:08:15,029
The fine is doubled due
to the incredibly young age of the child.

1317
01:08:15,113 --> 01:08:17,198
But I didn't sell any cigarettes
to any kids.

1318
01:08:17,282 --> 01:08:20,326
You sold cigarettes to a 4-year-old?
What a scumbag.

1319
01:08:20,410 --> 01:08:21,827
That's sick, Dante.

1320
01:08:21,912 --> 01:08:24,747
I didn't sell any cigarettes to any kids.
I swear.

1321
01:08:24,831 --> 01:08:26,249
The due date is on the bottom.

1322
01:08:26,416 --> 01:08:29,293
This summons cannot be contested
in any court of law.

1323
01:08:29,378 --> 01:08:31,504
Failure to remit before the due date

1324
01:08:31,588 --> 01:08:33,464
will result in a charge
of criminal negligence

1325
01:08:33,549 --> 01:08:35,383
and a warrant will be issued
for your arrest.

1326
01:08:35,467 --> 01:08:36,759
Have a nice day.

1327
01:08:37,135 --> 01:08:40,471
But I didn't sell any cigarettes
to any kids. Hey, wait a minute.

1328
01:08:41,974 --> 01:08:43,057
Forget it.

1329
01:08:43,225 --> 01:08:46,394
I don't wanna deal with a guy
that sells cigarettes to 4-year-olds.

1330
01:08:46,478 --> 01:08:49,981
-Can I give you a lift somewhere?
-Sure.

1331
01:08:50,440 --> 01:08:53,150
-How about the beach?
-I like the way you think.

1332
01:08:58,490 --> 01:09:00,283
Jesus, what next?

1333
01:09:00,450 --> 01:09:02,493
-Dante?
-What?

1334
01:09:02,661 --> 01:09:03,869
Caitlin?

1335
01:09:26,518 --> 01:09:28,603
-When did you get home?
-Just now.

1336
01:09:28,687 --> 01:09:30,646
I can't believe it. I haven't seen you. . .

1337
01:09:33,942 --> 01:09:35,776
Dante, you have a customer.

1338
01:09:39,239 --> 01:09:41,490
I just saw Alyssa's little sister outside.

1339
01:09:41,575 --> 01:09:44,410
-She was with Rick Derris.
-Let's not talk about that.

1340
01:09:44,494 --> 01:09:47,747
-How did you get home?
-Train, it took eight hours.

1341
01:09:47,831 --> 01:09:48,914
I can't believe you're here.

1342
01:09:48,999 --> 01:09:50,958
-Excuse me. . .
-Yeah, back behind the oil.

1343
01:09:51,043 --> 01:09:52,793
-How long are you staying?
-Until Monday.

1344
01:09:52,961 --> 01:09:54,962
Then I have to take the train back.

1345
01:09:55,130 --> 01:09:56,130
Pack of cigarettes.

1346
01:09:56,214 --> 01:09:57,298
Hey, congratulations.

1347
01:09:57,382 --> 01:09:59,091
I saw the announcement
in today's paper.

1348
01:09:59,176 --> 01:10:01,969
-She's marrying an Asian design major.
-So I'm told.

1349
01:10:32,793 --> 01:10:34,335
You're just gonna close the store?

1350
01:10:34,461 --> 01:10:36,671
I wanna talk to you
and I don't wanna be disturbed.

1351
01:10:36,755 --> 01:10:39,090
There's something
I read in the tabloids.

1352
01:10:39,174 --> 01:10:41,425
-You saw it?
-Very dramatic, I thought.

1353
01:10:41,510 --> 01:10:43,427
-It's not what you think.
-It's not what I think.

1354
01:10:43,512 --> 01:10:46,138
It's worse? You're pregnant
with the Asian design major's child?

1355
01:10:46,223 --> 01:10:48,432
-What's going on here?
-I am not pregnant.

1356
01:10:48,517 --> 01:10:50,643
Were you gonna tell me
or just send me an invitation?

1357
01:10:50,727 --> 01:10:51,769
I was gonna tell you,

1358
01:10:51,853 --> 01:10:54,105
but we were getting along,
I didn't want to mess it up.

1359
01:10:54,189 --> 01:10:57,233
You could've broken it to me gently
by telling me you had a boyfriend.

1360
01:10:57,317 --> 01:11:00,277
-I mean I told you I have a girlfriend.
-I know, I'm sorry.

1361
01:11:00,362 --> 01:11:03,239
But when we started talking,
it was like I forgot I had a boyfriend.

1362
01:11:03,323 --> 01:11:04,824
And he proposed last month.

1363
01:11:04,908 --> 01:11:07,535
-And you said yes?
-Well, kind of, sort of.

1364
01:11:07,619 --> 01:11:10,454
Is that what they teach in that
school of yours? Kind of, sort of?

1365
01:11:10,539 --> 01:11:13,332
Everyone knows about this except me.
Do you know how humiliating that is?

1366
01:11:13,417 --> 01:11:16,377
I would've told you, and
you would have stopped calling me.

1367
01:11:16,461 --> 01:11:18,462
-How do you know that?
-Because I know you.

1368
01:11:18,547 --> 01:11:21,632
You prefer drastic measures
to rational ones.

1369
01:11:21,717 --> 01:11:24,009
-So you're really getting married?
-No.

1370
01:11:24,094 --> 01:11:26,137
You're not really getting married?

1371
01:11:26,221 --> 01:11:27,722
The story goes like this,

1372
01:11:27,806 --> 01:11:30,599
he proposed to me,
I told him I had to think about it,

1373
01:11:30,684 --> 01:11:32,560
and he insisted I wear the ring anyway.

1374
01:11:32,728 --> 01:11:34,979
Then my mother told the paper
we were engaged.

1375
01:11:35,063 --> 01:11:36,397
How like her.

1376
01:11:36,481 --> 01:11:37,690
Then my mother called me this morning

1377
01:11:37,774 --> 01:11:40,025
to let me know that
the announcement was in the paper.

1378
01:11:40,110 --> 01:11:41,902
That's when I hopped the train
to come back.

1379
01:11:42,028 --> 01:11:43,320
I knew you'd be a wreck.

1380
01:11:43,405 --> 01:11:46,282
-Thanks for the vote of confidence.
-Was I right?

1381
01:11:46,366 --> 01:11:48,159
Wreck is a harsh term.

1382
01:11:48,243 --> 01:11:50,578
Disturbed is more like it.
Mildly disturbed, even.

1383
01:11:50,662 --> 01:11:54,165
I love a macho facade.
It is such a turn-on.

1384
01:11:54,249 --> 01:11:55,332
What smells like shoe polish?

1385
01:11:55,417 --> 01:11:57,877
So you came here to what,
to comfort me?

1386
01:11:57,961 --> 01:12:00,838
The last thing I needed was for you
to think I was hiding something.

1387
01:12:00,922 --> 01:12:02,590
-But you were.
-No, I wasn't.

1388
01:12:02,674 --> 01:12:05,050
Not really.
I told you I'd been seeing other people.

1389
01:12:05,135 --> 01:12:06,260
Yeah, but not seriously.

1390
01:12:06,344 --> 01:12:07,928
Christ, you're ready
to walk down the aisle.

1391
01:12:08,013 --> 01:12:10,347
That constitutes something more
than just seeing somebody.

1392
01:12:10,432 --> 01:12:13,726
-I mean, what's going on?
-I'm giving him his ring back.

1393
01:12:13,810 --> 01:12:15,060
What?

1394
01:12:15,145 --> 01:12:17,897
I don't wanna marry him.
I don't wanna get married now.

1395
01:12:17,981 --> 01:12:20,691
I'm on the verge of graduation.
I want to go to grad school after this.

1396
01:12:20,776 --> 01:12:22,693
And then I wanna start a career.

1397
01:12:22,778 --> 01:12:23,861
I don't wanna be a wife first,

1398
01:12:23,945 --> 01:12:26,781
and then worry about when I'm gonna
fit in all of the other stuff.

1399
01:12:26,865 --> 01:12:29,200
I've come way too far
and studied too damn hard

1400
01:12:29,284 --> 01:12:32,328
to let my education go to waste
as a housewife.

1401
01:12:33,079 --> 01:12:34,663
And I know that's what I'd become.

1402
01:12:34,748 --> 01:12:36,123
Sang's just signed with a major firm,

1403
01:12:36,208 --> 01:12:38,542
and he's gonna be pulling in
a huge salary,

1404
01:12:38,627 --> 01:12:41,962
which would give me
no reason to work. He's very traditional.

1405
01:12:42,047 --> 01:12:44,715
Wait a minute, his name is Sang?
Past tense?

1406
01:12:44,800 --> 01:12:46,383
Stop it. He's a nice guy.

1407
01:12:46,468 --> 01:12:49,011
Well, if he's so nice,
why aren't you marrying him?

1408
01:12:49,095 --> 01:12:50,638
I just told you.

1409
01:12:50,722 --> 01:12:52,973
There's more to this, isn't there?

1410
01:12:53,099 --> 01:12:55,559
Why, Mr. Hicks,
whatever do you mean?

1411
01:12:55,644 --> 01:12:57,019
I don't have something to do with it?

1412
01:12:57,103 --> 01:12:59,021
-You have nothing to do with it.
-Oh, you lie.

1413
01:12:59,105 --> 01:13:00,523
Look how full of yourself you are.

1414
01:13:00,607 --> 01:13:02,358
I believe in giving credit
where credit's due.

1415
01:13:02,442 --> 01:13:05,027
And I believe I'm the impetus
behind your refusal to wed.

1416
01:13:05,111 --> 01:13:06,695
If I'm so nuts about you,

1417
01:13:06,780 --> 01:13:09,573
then why am I having sex
with an Asian design major?

1418
01:13:09,658 --> 01:13:11,534
Jesus, you're so caustic.

1419
01:13:11,660 --> 01:13:14,245
I had to knock you down
from that cloud you were floating on.

1420
01:13:14,329 --> 01:13:16,413
When I say I don't wanna get married,
I mean just that.

1421
01:13:16,498 --> 01:13:19,708
I don't want to marry anybody.
Not for years.

1422
01:13:19,835 --> 01:13:22,002
Who's asking?
I don't wanna marry you.

1423
01:13:22,087 --> 01:13:24,672
Good. Keep in that frame of mind.

1424
01:13:24,756 --> 01:13:25,923
Well, let's date.

1425
01:13:26,007 --> 01:13:29,718
Oh, I think Sang and Veronica,
they'd love that.

1426
01:13:29,803 --> 01:13:32,179
We can introduce the two of them.
They may hit it off.

1427
01:13:32,264 --> 01:13:34,431
You're serious. You wanna date again.

1428
01:13:34,516 --> 01:13:36,267
I wanna be your boyfriend, yes.

1429
01:13:36,351 --> 01:13:38,686
It's just the shock of seeing me
after three years.

1430
01:13:38,770 --> 01:13:41,730
-Believe me, you'll get over it.
-Give me a bit more credit.

1431
01:13:41,815 --> 01:13:43,607
I think it's time we got back together.

1432
01:13:43,692 --> 01:13:45,943
I mean, I'm more mature,
you're more mature,

1433
01:13:46,027 --> 01:13:48,153
you're finishing college,
I'm already in the job market.

1434
01:13:48,238 --> 01:13:50,239
-You work in a market, all right.
-Cute.

1435
01:13:50,323 --> 01:13:53,450
Tell me you wouldn't wanna go out
after the talking we've been doing.

1436
01:13:53,535 --> 01:13:55,452
The key word here is talk, Dante.

1437
01:13:55,537 --> 01:13:58,038
I think the idea,
or the conception of us dating

1438
01:13:58,123 --> 01:14:01,208
is a lot more idyllic than what
actually happens when we date.

1439
01:14:01,293 --> 01:14:04,420
So, what, are we supposed to
pretend over the phone we're dating?

1440
01:14:04,504 --> 01:14:06,797
I don't know, maybe we should just see
what happens.

1441
01:14:06,882 --> 01:14:09,216
-Let me take you out tonight.
-On a date?

1442
01:14:09,301 --> 01:14:11,969
Yeah, a real date. Dinner and a movie.

1443
01:14:12,387 --> 01:14:14,138
The Dante Hicks
dinner-and-movie date.

1444
01:14:14,222 --> 01:14:18,475
-I think I've been on that one before.
-You have a better suggestion?

1445
01:14:19,019 --> 01:14:21,729
How about
the Caitlin Bree walk-on-the-boardwalk

1446
01:14:21,813 --> 01:14:24,440
then-get-naked-somewhere
kind-of-private date?

1447
01:14:24,566 --> 01:14:26,984
-I hear that's kind of a popular date.
-Jerk.

1448
01:14:27,068 --> 01:14:30,487
God, here I am, throwing myself at you,
succumbing to your wily charms,

1449
01:14:30,572 --> 01:14:32,948
and you're calling me a slut,
in so many words.

1450
01:14:33,033 --> 01:14:34,450
-What about Sing?
-Sang.

1451
01:14:34,534 --> 01:14:36,660
-Sang.
-He's not invited.

1452
01:14:36,745 --> 01:14:38,078
He's your fiance.

1453
01:14:38,163 --> 01:14:41,123
I'm offering you my body
and you're offering me semantics.

1454
01:14:41,207 --> 01:14:43,292
He's just a boyfriend, Dante.

1455
01:14:43,376 --> 01:14:44,710
And in case you haven't gotten the drift

1456
01:14:44,794 --> 01:14:48,088
of why I came
all the way here from Ohio,

1457
01:14:48,173 --> 01:14:50,633
I'm about to become single again.

1458
01:14:50,717 --> 01:14:53,510
And yes, allow me to placate your ego,

1459
01:14:53,595 --> 01:14:56,597
you are the inspiration for this bold
and momentous decision

1460
01:14:56,681 --> 01:14:59,767
that will probably get me ostracized
from both school and home.

1461
01:14:59,851 --> 01:15:03,437
You ask me who I choose,
I choose you.

1462
01:15:04,856 --> 01:15:07,441
-So, what are you saying?
-You're such an asshole.

1463
01:15:07,525 --> 01:15:08,692
Just kidding.

1464
01:15:08,777 --> 01:15:11,028
I can already see
this is not gonna work out.

1465
01:15:11,112 --> 01:15:13,322
I'll ask Randal to close up
when he gets back.

1466
01:15:13,406 --> 01:15:14,490
Where is he anyway?

1467
01:15:14,574 --> 01:15:16,533
I thought he'd be at your side,
like a lapdog.

1468
01:15:16,618 --> 01:15:18,661
He went to go rent a movie,
he isn't back yet.

1469
01:15:18,745 --> 01:15:20,537
Screw it,
I'll close up and leave him a note.

1470
01:15:20,622 --> 01:15:22,373
You're too responsible.

1471
01:15:22,457 --> 01:15:24,708
But no. I have to go home first.

1472
01:15:24,793 --> 01:15:26,877
They don't even know
I've left school yet.

1473
01:15:26,962 --> 01:15:29,046
And I should break
the disengagement news to my mother,

1474
01:15:29,130 --> 01:15:32,633
which is gonna cause quite a row,
considering she loves Sang.

1475
01:15:32,717 --> 01:15:34,134
Who doesn't?

1476
01:15:34,469 --> 01:15:36,136
Well, me, I guess.

1477
01:15:37,555 --> 01:15:40,766
So I shall take my leave of you,
but I will return in a little while,

1478
01:15:40,850 --> 01:15:44,353
at which time, yes, I would love to go
for dinner and a movie with you.

1479
01:15:44,437 --> 01:15:46,814
Hey, what happened to the walk
and the nakedness?

1480
01:15:46,898 --> 01:15:50,484
I'm easy, but I'm not that easy.
See you later, handsome.

1481
01:15:56,950 --> 01:15:57,992
Yes.

1482
01:16:16,302 --> 01:16:18,887
-Get to work.
-Hey, what did you rent?

1483
01:16:19,973 --> 01:16:22,933
-"Best of Both Worlds"?
-Hermaphroditic porn.

1484
01:16:23,018 --> 01:16:25,394
Starlets with both organs.
You should see the box.

1485
01:16:25,478 --> 01:16:27,604
Beautiful chicks with dicks
that put mine to shame.

1486
01:16:27,689 --> 01:16:30,107
-And you rented this?
-Hey, I like to expand my horizons.

1487
01:16:30,191 --> 01:16:32,026
I got fined
for selling cigarettes to a minor.

1488
01:16:32,110 --> 01:16:34,028
-No way.
-Five hundred dollars.

1489
01:16:34,112 --> 01:16:36,530
-You're bullshitting.
-No, I'm not.

1490
01:16:39,367 --> 01:16:41,493
Holy shit,
I didn't even think they enforced this.

1491
01:16:41,578 --> 01:16:42,703
Living proof.

1492
01:16:42,787 --> 01:16:44,204
You never sold cigarettes to kids.

1493
01:16:44,289 --> 01:16:46,415
-I didn't, you did.
-Really?

1494
01:16:46,499 --> 01:16:48,667
Yep. Little girl, maybe 4 years old?

1495
01:16:48,752 --> 01:16:50,252
Holy shit, that girl?

1496
01:16:50,336 --> 01:16:52,129
As opposed
to the hundreds of other children

1497
01:16:52,213 --> 01:16:53,714
you've sold cigarettes
while working here.

1498
01:16:53,798 --> 01:16:56,050
-Then how come you got the fine?
-Because I'm here.

1499
01:16:56,134 --> 01:16:57,926
-You're lying.
-I'm not.

1500
01:16:58,011 --> 01:16:59,470
Then why aren't you screaming at me?

1501
01:16:59,554 --> 01:17:01,013
-Because I'm happy.
-You're happy?

1502
01:17:01,097 --> 01:17:02,598
-I'm happy.
-You're happy to get a fine?

1503
01:17:02,682 --> 01:17:05,642
-I'm happy because Caitlin came.
-I know you're lying.

1504
01:17:05,727 --> 01:17:07,728
-I'm not, she just left.
-What did she say?

1505
01:17:07,812 --> 01:17:10,230
She said she's not marrying that guy.
She went home to tell her mom.

1506
01:17:10,315 --> 01:17:12,316
-You're kidding.
-I'm not.

1507
01:17:12,400 --> 01:17:14,610
Wow, you've had quite an evening.

1508
01:17:14,694 --> 01:17:17,071
She went home and
she's getting ready. We're going out.

1509
01:17:17,155 --> 01:17:19,573
I feel so ineffectual.
Is there anything I can do for you?

1510
01:17:19,657 --> 01:17:21,325
Watch the store while I go and change.

1511
01:17:21,409 --> 01:17:22,910
What happened
to title dictates behavior?

1512
01:17:22,994 --> 01:17:26,121
Well, this is my way
of spitting water at life.

1513
01:17:26,206 --> 01:17:28,791
All right, you want me to bring
the VCR over so we can watch this?

1514
01:17:28,875 --> 01:17:31,126
No, I might be leaving early.

1515
01:17:31,211 --> 01:17:32,753
You're gonna have to lock up
the store tonight.

1516
01:17:32,837 --> 01:17:35,506
All right, but you're missing out.
Chicks with dicks.

1517
01:18:05,036 --> 01:18:06,703
No.

1518
01:18:07,956 --> 01:18:12,084
Well, Randal Graves,
scourge of the video renter.

1519
01:18:12,168 --> 01:18:13,544
Ladies and gentlemen,

1520
01:18:13,628 --> 01:18:16,547
Ms. Asian Design Major herself,
Caitlin Bree.

1521
01:18:16,631 --> 01:18:19,049
You saw that article?
God, isn't it awful?

1522
01:18:19,134 --> 01:18:21,718
-My mother sent that in.
-I take it she likes the guy.

1523
01:18:21,803 --> 01:18:24,221
You'd think she's marrying him.

1524
01:18:24,305 --> 01:18:27,057
-What are you watching?
-Children's programing.

1525
01:18:27,142 --> 01:18:29,726
What did your mom say when
you told her you weren't engaged?

1526
01:18:29,811 --> 01:18:32,563
She said not to come home
until after graduation.

1527
01:18:32,647 --> 01:18:34,731
Wow, you got thrown out for Dante?

1528
01:18:34,816 --> 01:18:37,401
What can I say?
He does weird things to me.

1529
01:18:37,485 --> 01:18:39,570
-Can I watch?
-You can hold me down.

1530
01:18:39,654 --> 01:18:41,196
Can I join in?

1531
01:18:41,281 --> 01:18:43,532
You might be let down.
I'm not a hermaphrodite.

1532
01:18:43,616 --> 01:18:44,908
Hey, few are.

1533
01:18:44,993 --> 01:18:47,077
So, what makes you think you can
maintain a relationship with him

1534
01:18:47,162 --> 01:18:48,912
this time around?

1535
01:18:48,997 --> 01:18:50,497
A woman's intuition.

1536
01:18:50,582 --> 01:18:54,835
Something inside me says it's time
to give the old boy a serious try.

1537
01:18:55,086 --> 01:18:57,546
Hey, you know, you and I
have something in common.

1538
01:18:57,630 --> 01:18:59,214
We both eat Chinese.

1539
01:18:59,299 --> 01:19:01,008
-Dick.
-Exactly.

1540
01:19:01,092 --> 01:19:02,259
So where is he?

1541
01:19:02,343 --> 01:19:04,261
He went home
to change for the big date.

1542
01:19:04,345 --> 01:19:08,015
-God, isn't he great?
-No, this is great.

1543
01:19:08,183 --> 01:19:10,267
Oh, Lord. Can I use your bathroom?

1544
01:19:10,351 --> 01:19:12,769
-There's no light back there.
-Why aren't there any lights?

1545
01:19:12,854 --> 01:19:16,231
Well, there are, but for some reason,
they stop working at 5: 1 4 every night.

1546
01:19:16,316 --> 01:19:18,317
-You're kidding.
-Nobody can figure it out.

1547
01:19:18,401 --> 01:19:20,444
The boss doesn't wanna pay
the electrician to fix it,

1548
01:19:20,528 --> 01:19:22,946
because the electrician owes money
to the video store.

1549
01:19:23,031 --> 01:19:24,948
Such a sordid state of affairs.

1550
01:19:25,033 --> 01:19:28,118
And I'm caught in the middle,
torn between my loyalty for the boss

1551
01:19:28,203 --> 01:19:30,954
and my desire to piss with the lights on.

1552
01:19:31,039 --> 01:19:32,789
I'll try to manage.

1553
01:19:32,874 --> 01:19:34,249
Oh, hey, Caitlin.

1554
01:19:34,334 --> 01:19:36,710
Break his heart again this time,
and I'll kill you.

1555
01:19:36,794 --> 01:19:38,503
Nothing personal.

1556
01:19:38,588 --> 01:19:41,715
You are very protective of him, Randal.
You always have been.

1557
01:19:41,799 --> 01:19:44,426
Territoriality, he was mine first.

1558
01:19:44,552 --> 01:19:46,678
Oh, that was so cute.

1559
01:19:59,734 --> 01:20:03,070
-Who eats cock?
-A bunch of savages in this town.

1560
01:20:03,238 --> 01:20:04,279
Hey, Caitlin's in the back.

1561
01:20:04,364 --> 01:20:06,365
Check on her,
she's been back there a long time.

1562
01:20:06,449 --> 01:20:08,742
-There are no lights back there.
-I told her that.

1563
01:20:08,826 --> 01:20:11,161
She said she didn't need any.

1564
01:20:11,371 --> 01:20:13,997
Why don't you go join her?
Make a little bathroom bam-bam.

1565
01:20:14,082 --> 01:20:16,291
I love your sexy talk.
It's so kindergarten.

1566
01:20:16,376 --> 01:20:18,543
-Poo-poo, wee-wee.
-Fuck you.

1567
01:20:32,558 --> 01:20:36,103
-How did you get here so fast?
-I left like an hour ago.

1568
01:20:37,105 --> 01:20:40,482
Do you always talk this weird
after you violate a woman?

1569
01:20:40,566 --> 01:20:42,818
Maybe the Asian design major
slipped her some opium.

1570
01:20:42,902 --> 01:20:44,278
Could be.

1571
01:20:44,445 --> 01:20:48,031
-It has never been like that before.
-Like what?

1572
01:20:49,075 --> 01:20:52,786
When you just lay perfectly still
and let me do everything.

1573
01:20:53,121 --> 01:20:55,622
-Am I missing something here?
-Okay.

1574
01:20:55,957 --> 01:20:58,834
I went back there,
and Dante was already waiting for me.

1575
01:20:58,918 --> 01:21:00,419
He was?

1576
01:21:00,628 --> 01:21:03,380
It was so cool. He didn't say a word.

1577
01:21:03,548 --> 01:21:05,257
He didn't have to.

1578
01:21:07,135 --> 01:21:08,510
He was just ready, you know?

1579
01:21:08,761 --> 01:21:11,263
And, like, we didn't kiss
or talk or anything.

1580
01:21:11,347 --> 01:21:13,348
He just sat there
and let me do all the work.

1581
01:21:13,433 --> 01:21:15,976
You dog.
I didn't even see you go back there.

1582
01:21:16,060 --> 01:21:19,563
And the fact that there weren't
any lights on made it so. . .

1583
01:21:19,731 --> 01:21:21,648
God, that was so great.

1584
01:21:22,150 --> 01:21:24,151
My legs are still shaking.

1585
01:21:25,611 --> 01:21:27,112
It wasn't me.

1586
01:21:28,072 --> 01:21:30,574
Yeah, right. Who was it then, Randal?

1587
01:21:30,658 --> 01:21:32,576
-Was it you?
-No, I was up here the whole time.

1588
01:21:32,660 --> 01:21:35,537
-You two better quit it.
-I'm serious.

1589
01:21:36,122 --> 01:21:38,498
Oh, so we didn't just have sex
in the bathroom?

1590
01:21:38,583 --> 01:21:39,666
No.

1591
01:21:43,671 --> 01:21:45,630
Stop it, this isn't funny.

1592
01:21:45,715 --> 01:21:48,592
I'm not fooling around.
I just came in from outside.

1593
01:21:48,676 --> 01:21:51,136
-This isn't fucking funny, Dante.
-I'm not kidding.

1594
01:21:51,220 --> 01:21:53,263
-Who went back there?
-Nobody, I swear.

1595
01:21:53,348 --> 01:21:54,431
I feel nauseous.

1596
01:21:54,515 --> 01:21:55,807
Are you sure
there was someone there?

1597
01:21:55,892 --> 01:21:58,477
Well, I didn't just fuck myself.
Jesus Christ.

1598
01:21:58,561 --> 01:21:59,686
God, I'm gonna be sick.

1599
01:21:59,771 --> 01:22:02,564
-You just fucked a total stranger?
-Shut the fuck up.

1600
01:22:02,940 --> 01:22:04,274
-Call the police.
-No, don't.

1601
01:22:04,359 --> 01:22:06,610
There's a stranger in our bathroom
and he just raped Caitlin.

1602
01:22:06,694 --> 01:22:09,404
-She said she did all the work.
-Would you shut the fuck up?

1603
01:22:09,489 --> 01:22:11,823
Who the fuck is in our bathroom?

1604
01:22:13,701 --> 01:22:15,786
-Who is he?
-I don't know.

1605
01:22:15,870 --> 01:22:18,288
He just came in
and asked to use the bathroom.

1606
01:22:18,373 --> 01:22:20,082
-What time was this?
-I don't know.

1607
01:22:20,166 --> 01:22:24,044
-What time did hockey end?
-Like 3:00, 3:30.

1608
01:22:24,128 --> 01:22:25,962
And what time did we get back
from the funeral?

1609
01:22:26,047 --> 01:22:28,340
-4:00, I think.
-Wait, who was working here?

1610
01:22:28,424 --> 01:22:29,674
Just me.

1611
01:22:29,759 --> 01:22:32,302
I thought you said you went
to play hockey and went to a funeral.

1612
01:22:32,387 --> 01:22:33,470
Yeah, we did.

1613
01:22:33,554 --> 01:22:35,097
Well, then
who was operating the store?

1614
01:22:35,223 --> 01:22:38,266
-Nobody, it was closed.
-With this guy locked in here?

1615
01:22:38,351 --> 01:22:41,603
Well, everything happened so quickly,
I guess I forgot he was back there.

1616
01:22:41,687 --> 01:22:43,897
-Can we take it now?
-Go ahead.

1617
01:22:49,987 --> 01:22:52,322
Was he alive when Caitlin. . .

1618
01:22:52,407 --> 01:22:54,699
No, I place the time of death
at about 3:20.

1619
01:22:54,784 --> 01:22:57,327
Then how could she, you know?

1620
01:22:57,662 --> 01:22:59,746
The body can maintain an erection
after expiration.

1621
01:22:59,831 --> 01:23:01,206
Sometimes for hours.

1622
01:23:01,290 --> 01:23:03,041
Did he have the magazine
when he came in?

1623
01:23:03,126 --> 01:23:05,001
No, I gave it to him.

1624
01:23:05,878 --> 01:23:07,629
He asked me for it.

1625
01:23:08,131 --> 01:23:10,048
I can't say
until we get him back to the lab,

1626
01:23:10,133 --> 01:23:13,176
but my guess is he was masturbating,
his heart seized and he died.

1627
01:23:13,261 --> 01:23:15,595
That's when the girl found him.

1628
01:23:15,680 --> 01:23:17,180
Something smells like shoe polish.

1629
01:23:17,265 --> 01:23:20,016
This has gotta be the weirdest thing
you've ever been called in on.

1630
01:23:20,101 --> 01:23:22,394
Actually, I once had to tag a kid
that broke his neck

1631
01:23:22,478 --> 01:23:25,105
trying to put his mouth on his penis.

1632
01:23:25,648 --> 01:23:27,190
What about Caitlin?

1633
01:23:27,275 --> 01:23:30,152
Shock trauma, she's gonna need
years of therapy after this.

1634
01:23:30,236 --> 01:23:33,989
My question is, how did she come
to have sex with the dead man?

1635
01:23:34,073 --> 01:23:35,949
She thought it was me.

1636
01:23:36,492 --> 01:23:39,578
What kind of convenience store
do you run here?

1637
01:24:06,981 --> 01:24:08,273
Salsa shark.

1638
01:24:08,357 --> 01:24:10,650
We're gonna need a bigger boat.

1639
01:24:12,487 --> 01:24:15,739
Man goes into cage,
cage goes into salsa,

1640
01:24:15,823 --> 01:24:18,241
shark's in the salsa, our shark.

1641
01:24:19,577 --> 01:24:21,244
Oh, what? What's with you, man?

1642
01:24:21,329 --> 01:24:23,079
You haven't said anything
for like 20 minutes.

1643
01:24:23,164 --> 01:24:24,915
What the hell's your problem?

1644
01:24:24,999 --> 01:24:26,875
-This life.
-This life?

1645
01:24:26,959 --> 01:24:29,044
Why do I have this life?

1646
01:24:29,128 --> 01:24:31,004
Have some chips, you'll feel better.

1647
01:24:31,088 --> 01:24:34,799
I'm stuck in this pit,
working for less than slave wages,

1648
01:24:34,884 --> 01:24:38,803
working on my day off,
the goddamn steel shutters are closed,

1649
01:24:39,138 --> 01:24:43,558
I deal with every backward-ass fuck
on the planet, I smell like shoe polish,

1650
01:24:43,643 --> 01:24:46,978
my ex-girlfriend is catatonic
after fucking a dead guy,

1651
01:24:47,063 --> 01:24:50,023
and my present girlfriend
has sucked 36 dicks.

1652
01:24:50,107 --> 01:24:51,274
Thirty-seven.

1653
01:24:51,359 --> 01:24:53,401
My life is in the shitter right now
and if you don't mind,

1654
01:24:53,486 --> 01:24:54,861
I'd like to stew a bit.

1655
01:24:54,946 --> 01:24:56,571
-You open?
-Yeah.

1656
01:24:59,242 --> 01:25:00,534
That's all bullshit, man.

1657
01:25:00,618 --> 01:25:02,118
You know what
the real problem here is?

1658
01:25:02,203 --> 01:25:03,495
I was born.

1659
01:25:03,579 --> 01:25:06,540
-You should shit or get off the pot.
-I should shit or get off the pot.

1660
01:25:06,624 --> 01:25:09,376
-You should shit or get off the pot.
-What the hell are you talking about?

1661
01:25:09,460 --> 01:25:12,837
I'm talking about this inability
to improve your station in life.

1662
01:25:12,922 --> 01:25:14,297
-Fuck you.
-It's true, man.

1663
01:25:14,382 --> 01:25:16,967
You sit there and blame life
for dealing you a cruddy hand,

1664
01:25:17,051 --> 01:25:20,303
never once accepting the responsibility
for the way your situation is.

1665
01:25:20,388 --> 01:25:21,638
What responsibility?

1666
01:25:21,722 --> 01:25:23,807
All right,
if you hate this job and the people,

1667
01:25:23,891 --> 01:25:26,643
and the fact that you have to come in
on your day off, why don't you quit?

1668
01:25:26,727 --> 01:25:29,646
-Well, like it's that easy.
-It is, you just up and quit.

1669
01:25:29,730 --> 01:25:32,065
There's other jobs.
They pay better money.

1670
01:25:32,149 --> 01:25:34,442
You're bound to be qualified
for at least one of them.

1671
01:25:34,527 --> 01:25:36,403
-So, what's stopping you?
-Leave me alone.

1672
01:25:36,487 --> 01:25:37,821
Oh, you're comfortable, right?

1673
01:25:37,905 --> 01:25:40,323
This is a life of convenience for you.
Any attempt to change it

1674
01:25:40,408 --> 01:25:43,827
would shatter the pathetic microcosm
you've fashioned for yourself.

1675
01:25:43,911 --> 01:25:45,370
Like your life's any better?

1676
01:25:45,454 --> 01:25:47,497
Hey, I'm satisfied
with my situation for now.

1677
01:25:47,582 --> 01:25:48,832
You don't hear me complaining.

1678
01:25:48,916 --> 01:25:51,084
You, on the other hand,
have been bitching all day.

1679
01:25:51,168 --> 01:25:53,003
Why don't you go back
to the video store?

1680
01:25:53,087 --> 01:25:55,255
-It's the same with Veronica.
-Leave her out of this.

1681
01:25:55,339 --> 01:25:57,173
You date Veronica
because it's convenient,

1682
01:25:57,258 --> 01:25:58,550
and she's low maintenance.

1683
01:25:58,634 --> 01:26:01,011
But meanwhile, all you ever do
is talk about Caitlin.

1684
01:26:01,095 --> 01:26:03,346
You carry a torch for a girl
you dated in high school.

1685
01:26:03,431 --> 01:26:05,640
In high school, for God's sake.
You're 22.

1686
01:26:05,725 --> 01:26:06,766
Leave me alone.

1687
01:26:06,851 --> 01:26:10,103
If you want Caitlin, then talk to Veronica
and be with Caitlin.

1688
01:26:10,229 --> 01:26:12,188
If you want Veronica,
then be with Veronica.

1689
01:26:12,273 --> 01:26:14,524
But don't pine for one
and fuck the other.

1690
01:26:14,609 --> 01:26:17,944
-If you weren't such a fucking coward. . .
-If I wasn't such a fucking coward.

1691
01:26:18,029 --> 01:26:21,573
It must be so great to have this ability
to simplify things the way you do.

1692
01:26:21,657 --> 01:26:23,700
-Am I right or what?
-You're wrong.

1693
01:26:23,784 --> 01:26:25,327
Things happened today, all right?

1694
01:26:25,411 --> 01:26:27,370
Things that probably
ruined my chances with Caitlin.

1695
01:26:27,455 --> 01:26:28,872
Oh, what? The dead guy?

1696
01:26:28,956 --> 01:26:30,749
She'll get over fucking a dead guy.

1697
01:26:30,833 --> 01:26:33,627
Shit, my mom's been
fucking a dead guy for 30 years.

1698
01:26:33,711 --> 01:26:34,753
I call him "Dad."

1699
01:26:34,837 --> 01:26:37,213
Caitlin and I can't be together.
It's impossible.

1700
01:26:37,298 --> 01:26:38,506
Melodrama coming from you

1701
01:26:38,591 --> 01:26:40,550
seems about as natural
as an oral bowel movement.

1702
01:26:40,635 --> 01:26:42,052
What do you want me to say,

1703
01:26:42,136 --> 01:26:43,887
some of the things
you're saying are true?

1704
01:26:43,971 --> 01:26:46,056
That's the way things are,
they're not gonna change.

1705
01:26:46,140 --> 01:26:48,892
-Make them change.
-I can't, all right?

1706
01:26:48,976 --> 01:26:50,352
Jesus, will you leave me alone?

1707
01:26:50,436 --> 01:26:52,312
I can't make changes in my life
like that.

1708
01:26:52,396 --> 01:26:53,730
If I could, I would.

1709
01:26:53,814 --> 01:26:56,524
But I don't have the ability
to risk the comfortable situations

1710
01:26:56,609 --> 01:26:58,652
on the big money
and the fabulous prizes.

1711
01:26:58,736 --> 01:27:00,111
Who you kidding? You can so.

1712
01:27:00,196 --> 01:27:02,322
Jesus H . Christ, I can't.

1713
01:27:02,406 --> 01:27:03,948
You're gonna sit there
and be miserable,

1714
01:27:04,033 --> 01:27:07,077
because you don't have the guts
to face change?

1715
01:27:07,161 --> 01:27:10,580
My mother told me once
that when I was 3 years old,

1716
01:27:10,665 --> 01:27:12,582
my potty lid was closed.

1717
01:27:12,667 --> 01:27:15,627
And instead of me lifting it,
I shit my pants.

1718
01:27:15,711 --> 01:27:17,170
Lovely story.

1719
01:27:17,254 --> 01:27:20,674
The point is I'm not the type of person
who disrupts things

1720
01:27:20,758 --> 01:27:23,051
just so I can shit comfortably.

1721
01:27:36,482 --> 01:27:40,235
Noich, noich, noich
Smoking weed, smoking weed

1722
01:27:40,319 --> 01:27:42,445
Doing coke, drinking beers

1723
01:27:42,530 --> 01:27:43,863
Pack of wraps, my good man.

1724
01:27:43,948 --> 01:27:46,950
Time to kick back, drink some beers,
and smoke some weed.

1725
01:27:47,034 --> 01:27:50,161
-Done poisoning the youth for today?
-Hell yes, whatever that means.

1726
01:27:50,246 --> 01:27:52,372
Now it's time to head over to Atlantic,

1727
01:27:52,456 --> 01:27:55,542
drink some beers, get ripped,
and hopefully get laid.

1728
01:27:55,668 --> 01:27:58,378
-One seventy-nine.
-Pay the good man.

1729
01:27:59,088 --> 01:28:01,548
-Yeah, you close soon?
-In half an hour.

1730
01:28:01,632 --> 01:28:04,008
We get off the same time every day.
We should hang out.

1731
01:28:04,093 --> 01:28:05,927
-You get high?
-I should start.

1732
01:28:06,011 --> 01:28:07,178
Wanna come to this party
with me tonight?

1733
01:28:07,263 --> 01:28:09,139
There's gonna be
some pussy there, man.

1734
01:28:09,223 --> 01:28:10,682
With you? I don't think so.

1735
01:28:10,766 --> 01:28:13,309
Oh, look at you.
"I don't hang out with drug dealers."

1736
01:28:13,394 --> 01:28:15,061
Nothing personal.

1737
01:28:15,146 --> 01:28:17,939
-What happened with that old guy?
-He died in the bathroom.

1738
01:28:18,023 --> 01:28:20,024
Well, I heard he was jerking off
or something.

1739
01:28:20,109 --> 01:28:21,776
I don't know, I wasn't watching.

1740
01:28:21,861 --> 01:28:25,321
He probably saw that Caitlin chick.
I felt like beating it when I saw her.

1741
01:28:25,406 --> 01:28:27,574
Come here, bitch. You like this, huh?

1742
01:28:27,658 --> 01:28:29,284
-Is this what you want?
-Knock it off.

1743
01:28:29,410 --> 01:28:32,996
-That used to be my girlfriend, all right?
-You used to go out with her?

1744
01:28:33,080 --> 01:28:35,165
Yeah, well, I thought
we might be starting again.

1745
01:28:35,249 --> 01:28:38,084
-Don't you already have a girlfriend?
-Yeah, Veronica.

1746
01:28:38,210 --> 01:28:40,795
And what, you're gonna dump her
for that Caitlin chick?

1747
01:28:40,880 --> 01:28:42,088
Maybe.

1748
01:28:42,173 --> 01:28:43,840
I don't know, dude.
That Caitlin chick's nice.

1749
01:28:43,924 --> 01:28:46,760
But I see that Veronica girl
doing shit for you all the time.

1750
01:28:46,844 --> 01:28:50,054
I saw her rubbing your back,
fucking comes and brings your food.

1751
01:28:50,139 --> 01:28:51,473
Didn't I see her change your tire once?

1752
01:28:51,557 --> 01:28:53,224
Hey, hey, I jacked up the car.

1753
01:28:53,309 --> 01:28:55,977
All she did was unloosen the nuts
and put the tire on.

1754
01:28:56,061 --> 01:28:59,272
-I don't know, she does a lot for you.
-She's my girlfriend.

1755
01:28:59,482 --> 01:29:00,774
I had some girlfriends too,

1756
01:29:00,858 --> 01:29:03,443
but all they wanted from me
was weed and shit.

1757
01:29:03,527 --> 01:29:04,694
Shit, my grandma used to say,

1758
01:29:04,779 --> 01:29:08,490
"What's better, fucking,
a good plate with nothing on it. . ."

1759
01:29:08,574 --> 01:29:09,741
No, wait. I fucked up.

1760
01:29:09,825 --> 01:29:12,285
"What's a good plate
with nothing on it?"

1761
01:29:12,369 --> 01:29:14,496
-Meaning?
-I don't know, she was senile and shit.

1762
01:29:14,580 --> 01:29:17,207
She used to fucking piss herself
all the time

1763
01:29:17,291 --> 01:29:18,875
and shit herself.

1764
01:29:18,959 --> 01:29:22,295
Come on, Silent Bob. Let's get
the fuck out of this fucking gyp-joint

1765
01:29:22,379 --> 01:29:26,341
with this fucking faggot, Dante.
You cock-smoker.

1766
01:29:27,843 --> 01:29:29,928
There's a million
fine-looking women in the world,

1767
01:29:30,012 --> 01:29:32,096
but they don't all bring you
lasagna at work.

1768
01:29:32,181 --> 01:29:34,474
Most of them just cheat on you.

1769
01:29:35,059 --> 01:29:36,810
Come on, limp dick.

1770
01:29:37,645 --> 01:29:39,312
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1771
01:29:40,648 --> 01:29:41,981
He's right.

1772
01:29:43,359 --> 01:29:44,734
I love her.

1773
01:29:45,945 --> 01:29:47,111
So that's it.

1774
01:29:47,196 --> 01:29:49,656
He doesn't love you anymore.
He loves Caitlin.

1775
01:29:49,740 --> 01:29:52,325
-And he told you all of this?
-Pretty much.

1776
01:29:52,409 --> 01:29:54,285
All except
the latent homosexuality part,

1777
01:29:54,370 --> 01:29:56,246
that's just my theory.

1778
01:29:56,956 --> 01:29:59,249
-I don't know what to say.
-Well, don't hold it against him.

1779
01:29:59,333 --> 01:30:02,001
I mean, he just never
got Caitlin out of his system.

1780
01:30:02,086 --> 01:30:04,879
It's not your fault. It's Dante.

1781
01:30:06,340 --> 01:30:08,299
Look, I don't know thing one
about chicks,

1782
01:30:08,384 --> 01:30:11,344
so if you gotta cry or something,
I can get out of here.

1783
01:30:11,428 --> 01:30:13,137
-I'm not sad.
-You're not?

1784
01:30:14,598 --> 01:30:15,682
What did you do that for?

1785
01:30:15,766 --> 01:30:18,268
If you didn't wanna go out with me,
why didn't you say so?

1786
01:30:18,352 --> 01:30:20,937
Instead, you pussyfoot around
and see that slut behind my back.

1787
01:30:21,021 --> 01:30:23,731
-What are you talking about?
-You've been talking to her.

1788
01:30:23,816 --> 01:30:25,942
-It was only a few times.
-And then you pull that shit.

1789
01:30:26,026 --> 01:30:28,111
Freaking out because
I've gone down on a couple guys.

1790
01:30:28,195 --> 01:30:29,279
Oh, a couple?

1791
01:30:29,363 --> 01:30:31,948
I'm not the one
trying to patch things up with my ex,

1792
01:30:32,032 --> 01:30:33,116
sneaking behind your back.

1793
01:30:33,200 --> 01:30:35,994
If you think that 37 dicks are a lot,
then you just wait.

1794
01:30:36,078 --> 01:30:37,787
I'll put the hookers
in Times Square to shame

1795
01:30:37,872 --> 01:30:39,372
with all the guys I go down on now.

1796
01:30:39,456 --> 01:30:41,332
-Will you let me explain.
-Explain what?

1797
01:30:41,417 --> 01:30:44,711
How you've been waiting
and were going to dump me for her?

1798
01:30:44,795 --> 01:30:46,963
-It isn't like that.
-Damn right it isn't like that.

1799
01:30:47,047 --> 01:30:49,465
Because I won't let it be like that.
You want your slut?

1800
01:30:49,550 --> 01:30:51,551
-Fine, the slut is yours.
-I don't want Caitlin.

1801
01:30:51,635 --> 01:30:53,136
You don't know what you want,

1802
01:30:53,220 --> 01:30:55,471
but I'm not going to sit here
holding your hand anymore

1803
01:30:55,556 --> 01:30:58,516
until you figure it out.
I've tried with you, Dante.

1804
01:30:58,601 --> 01:31:00,643
I've encouraged you
to get out of this fucking dump

1805
01:31:00,728 --> 01:31:03,813
and go back to school, to take charge
of your life and find direction.

1806
01:31:03,898 --> 01:31:05,940
I even transferred
so you would be more inclined

1807
01:31:06,025 --> 01:31:07,442
to go back to college if I was with you.

1808
01:31:07,526 --> 01:31:11,029
Everyone said it was a stupid move,
but I didn't care because I loved you

1809
01:31:11,113 --> 01:31:12,655
and wanted to see you pull yourself

1810
01:31:12,740 --> 01:31:14,324
out of this senseless funk
that you've been in

1811
01:31:14,408 --> 01:31:16,534
since that whore dumped you
so many years ago.

1812
01:31:16,619 --> 01:31:19,412
And now you wanna go back to her
so she can fuck you over some more?

1813
01:31:19,496 --> 01:31:21,789
-I don't wanna go. . .
-Of course not, not now.

1814
01:31:21,916 --> 01:31:24,500
Now you're trying to snake out
of doing what you wanted to do.

1815
01:31:24,585 --> 01:31:26,753
Well, I won't let you.
I want you to follow through,

1816
01:31:26,837 --> 01:31:29,005
so you can find out
what an idiot you are.

1817
01:31:29,089 --> 01:31:31,674
And when she dumps you again,
and I promise you that she will.

1818
01:31:31,759 --> 01:31:34,510
When she dumps you again,
I want to laugh at you.

1819
01:31:34,595 --> 01:31:37,513
Just so you realize that that was
what you gave up our relationship for.

1820
01:31:37,598 --> 01:31:39,891
I'm just glad that Randal
had the balls to tell me.

1821
01:31:39,975 --> 01:31:41,100
Randal?

1822
01:31:41,185 --> 01:31:44,646
Having him tell me, that was
the weakest move. You're spineless.

1823
01:31:44,730 --> 01:31:46,981
-Veronica, I love you.
-Fuck you.

1824
01:32:03,290 --> 01:32:04,624
Dante?

1825
01:32:36,907 --> 01:32:38,491
How's your eye?

1826
01:32:39,159 --> 01:32:42,370
The swelling's not that bad,
but the FDS stings.

1827
01:32:43,998 --> 01:32:47,125
-How's your neck?
-It's kind of hard to swallow.

1828
01:32:48,502 --> 01:32:50,420
You didn't have to choke me,
you know.

1829
01:32:50,504 --> 01:32:51,879
Why did you tell Veronica

1830
01:32:51,964 --> 01:32:53,798
that I was gonna dump her
to go back with Caitlin?

1831
01:32:53,882 --> 01:32:57,051
-I thought I was doing you a favor.
-Jesus.

1832
01:32:57,136 --> 01:32:59,721
You were always saying
how you can't initiate change yourself.

1833
01:32:59,805 --> 01:33:02,515
-I thought I'd give you a hand.
-Thanks.

1834
01:33:03,517 --> 01:33:05,101
You still didn't have to choke me.

1835
01:33:05,185 --> 01:33:08,146
Oh, please.
I'm surprised I didn't kill you.

1836
01:33:08,230 --> 01:33:11,733
-Why do you say that?
-Why do I say that? Randal. . .

1837
01:33:11,817 --> 01:33:12,900
-Forget it.
-No, really.

1838
01:33:12,985 --> 01:33:15,528
-What did I do that was so wrong?
-What don't you do?

1839
01:33:15,612 --> 01:33:18,781
Sometimes I think the reason you come
to work is to make my life miserable.

1840
01:33:18,866 --> 01:33:20,408
How do you figure?

1841
01:33:20,492 --> 01:33:23,411
-What time did you get to work today?
-Like 1 0:00 or 1 0 after.

1842
01:33:23,495 --> 01:33:26,873
You were over half an hour late.
Then all you do is come in here.

1843
01:33:26,957 --> 01:33:28,291
Yeah, to talk to you.

1844
01:33:28,375 --> 01:33:30,543
Which means the video store
is ostensibly closed.

1845
01:33:30,627 --> 01:33:32,420
Oh, it's not like I'm miles away.

1846
01:33:32,504 --> 01:33:34,464
Unless you're out renting
at other video stores.

1847
01:33:34,548 --> 01:33:37,759
Hermaphrodites.
I rented it so we could watch it together.

1848
01:33:37,843 --> 01:33:39,302
You get me slapped with a fine,

1849
01:33:39,386 --> 01:33:42,013
you argue with the customers
and I have to patch everything up.

1850
01:33:42,097 --> 01:33:44,390
You get us thrown out of a funeral
by violating a corpse.

1851
01:33:44,475 --> 01:33:46,976
And to top it all off,
you ruin my relationship.

1852
01:33:47,061 --> 01:33:48,394
I mean, what's your encore?

1853
01:33:48,520 --> 01:33:52,565
Do you, like, anally rape my mother
while pouring sugar in my gas tank?

1854
01:33:54,693 --> 01:33:58,154
You know what the real tragedy
about all this is?

1855
01:33:58,238 --> 01:34:00,156
I'm not even supposed
to be here today.

1856
01:34:00,240 --> 01:34:01,824
Oh, fuck you.

1857
01:34:01,909 --> 01:34:03,409
Fuck you, pal.

1858
01:34:03,827 --> 01:34:05,703
Jesus, there you go
trying to pass the buck.

1859
01:34:05,788 --> 01:34:07,705
I'm the source of all your misery.

1860
01:34:07,790 --> 01:34:11,584
Who closed the store to play hockey?
Who closed the store to go to a wake?

1861
01:34:11,668 --> 01:34:13,377
Who tried to win back his ex-girlfriend

1862
01:34:13,462 --> 01:34:16,255
without even discussing
how he felt with his present one?

1863
01:34:16,340 --> 01:34:19,092
You wanna blame somebody,
blame yourself.

1864
01:34:19,676 --> 01:34:23,346
"I'm not even supposed to be here
today." You sound like an asshole.

1865
01:34:23,430 --> 01:34:25,681
Jesus, nobody twisted your arm
to be here.

1866
01:34:25,766 --> 01:34:27,517
You're here of your own volition.

1867
01:34:27,601 --> 01:34:30,061
You think the weight of the world
rests on your shoulders,

1868
01:34:30,145 --> 01:34:33,189
like this place would fall apart
if Dante wasn't here.

1869
01:34:33,273 --> 01:34:36,692
Jesus, you overcompensate for having
what's basically a monkey's job.

1870
01:34:36,777 --> 01:34:38,277
You push fucking buttons.

1871
01:34:38,362 --> 01:34:41,239
Anybody can waltz in here
and do our jobs.

1872
01:34:41,990 --> 01:34:44,784
You're so obsessed with making it
seem so much more epic,

1873
01:34:44,868 --> 01:34:47,286
so much more important
than it really is.

1874
01:34:47,371 --> 01:34:50,081
Christ, you work
in a convenience store, Dante.

1875
01:34:50,165 --> 01:34:51,874
And badly, I might add.

1876
01:34:51,959 --> 01:34:55,044
I work in a shitty video store.
Badly, as well.

1877
01:34:55,504 --> 01:34:57,046
That guy Jay's got it right, man.

1878
01:34:57,131 --> 01:34:59,382
He has no delusions
about what he does.

1879
01:34:59,466 --> 01:35:01,717
Us, we like to make ourselves
seem so much more important

1880
01:35:01,802 --> 01:35:03,511
than the people that come in here
to buy a paper,

1881
01:35:03,595 --> 01:35:05,388
or God forbid, cigarettes.

1882
01:35:05,472 --> 01:35:07,723
We look down on them,
as if we're so advanced.

1883
01:35:07,808 --> 01:35:12,270
Well, if we're so fucking advanced,
then what are we doing working here?

1884
01:35:30,539 --> 01:35:34,208
Hey, the floor looks pretty clean.
I whipped the cat next door.

1885
01:35:34,376 --> 01:35:35,459
Need a ride home?

1886
01:35:35,544 --> 01:35:37,670
No, got one. Just pulled up.

1887
01:35:38,172 --> 01:35:39,338
You working tomorrow?

1888
01:35:39,423 --> 01:35:42,383
-Same time. What about you?
-I'm calling out.

1889
01:35:42,759 --> 01:35:45,011
Going to the hospital and visit Caitlin.

1890
01:35:45,095 --> 01:35:47,430
And then I'm gonna
try to talk to Veronica.

1891
01:35:47,514 --> 01:35:48,848
You wanna grab a bite to eat
or something

1892
01:35:48,932 --> 01:35:51,684
when you're done with that
and I get off work?

1893
01:35:51,768 --> 01:35:53,603
I'll give you a call. Let you know.

1894
01:35:53,687 --> 01:35:54,770
All right.

1895
01:35:54,855 --> 01:35:56,564
Hey, good luck with Veronica.

1896
01:35:56,648 --> 01:35:59,650
-If you want, I can talk to her. . .
-No, thanks.

1897
01:35:59,735 --> 01:36:01,611
I think I can handle it.

1898
01:36:01,695 --> 01:36:04,197
We have a lot of shit to talk about.

1899
01:36:04,573 --> 01:36:06,991
-Hell of a day.
-To say the least.

1900
01:36:07,868 --> 01:36:10,828
Want me to do anything
before I get out of here, man?

1901
01:36:10,913 --> 01:36:13,623
-Why don't you wrangle for me?
-No.

1902
01:36:13,707 --> 01:36:15,666
-Come on, just wrangle out the door.
-No.

1903
01:36:15,751 --> 01:36:17,710
-Come on.
-No, no, no.

1904
01:36:17,878 --> 01:36:22,089
Here comes Randal
He's a berserker

1905
01:36:29,598 --> 01:36:31,098
You're closed.

1906
01:39:22,896 --> 01:39:24,855
Smoking weed, smoking weed

1907
01:39:24,940 --> 01:39:28,609
Noich, noich, noich
Smoking weed, smoking weed